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My blisters are not here. They never even arrived, the dirty stop-outs! I'm not going to let them in, even if it starts raining when they turn up!

The trip was...eventful. The weather tried it's very best to thwart my attempts, but it failed, and failed miserably, for I ploughed on through all it could throw at me! Thought you could stop me going over the mountains by dumping a tonne of snow upon me, did you?!? Ha!!! You'll have to try harder than THAT, if you want to best Matt McKenzie, I tell you!

Bloomin' weather. It was mean to me.

Still. I did it. It just tested my navigational skills to the max!!!

Bonjour le class. Nice hair, Kell. I haven't got any. Shave it, you know. I realised long ago that I was beginning to recede when it started taking me longer to wash my face...xx

Good welcome, sir. Hope you're extremely tip-top this very evening.

Hello. I'm popping by to say 'hello', so that's that done! I hope you're okay! Toodles.

The hangover is slain and I am feeling groovy. Last week I worked (including the voluntary stuff) 74 hours. So anything less than that this week is a bonus. It doesn't look half as crazy at the moment, anyway.

Good luck on Tuesday, dear friend. I shall pop on to ask how it went. And I hope Friday's move goes well. New apartment, Lady. Woo Hoo!

Crikey. That's more than I'd do. I hate sport, too. They called me "Allsports" at school, because I was cr*p at all sports! Have a good day, fella.

Hola. How art thou, m'lady? What's the buzz in Funksville? Good weekend so far? States any good? I enjoyed 'em, but I was pig-muntered for most of it...every time. I was such a loush...

Hey! Your avatar is Benton Fraser and Diefenbaker! I loved that show! I must buy them on DVD when I've got some surplus cash.

How're you doing?

Thank you, my friend. I'm glad you came out of your rather worrying experience well, too.

I shall be doing the West Highland Way, I think. Already done the Pennine Way. I do 'em to raise money for my Scouts, you see. That's why I do 'em on me own. So people think "Crumbs! What a plonker! I'd better sponsor him some gooood money!"

I've got to get some more dodgy mountain days under me belt to go in me log book, tha knows. That way, I'll have enough for my Mountain Leader qualification.

Whoa! Missed your birthday, Pickle. Hope you had a brilliant one and that you're going to have a smashing weekend, my friend! Mwah. Xx

Ayup. Tha's not been around much, of late. Hope all's well with thee.

Hi Michelle. Just dropping by to say 'hello' and all that jazz. You know on the "Who's Online" bit in the quick links doo-dah? What is a 'google spider'? I don't much care for the sound of that!

Here's me, six foot and ugly and I'm scared of itty-bitty spiders...

*tuts*

Hope you're very well.

Yo. Where you at, lady? xx

Happy birthday, Pal! Hope you're having a super weekend. Xx

Oh. ****. That's not good news for you. I'm sorry to hear this. Unless you're pleased about it, as it was crappy. If that's the case, then I say congrats.

As for the whimple and the spinning - were you shadowing me? Or am I being paranoid? I'll have to mention this to my psychiatri...oops - that's supposed to be secret, too...

Greetings, on this rather damp Friday (well, it is here in the Peak District, anyway!)

I hope you're in splendid shape and looking forward to a marvellous weekend.

How's it all going?

You know, Roxi, you really do come out with the most sage advice. I am somewhat in awe of you. This should definitely not be read in irony. I've just read your advice to poor old , love-lorn Ben, bless 'im. If only I'd had a friend like you back in the day. You simply wouldn't believe the complete arse I've made of myself in the past...

...actually, you probably would...

Ooh, sort of...I'm not very good at the morning after thing anymore. It's more like the next-two-days-after thing nowadays.

Did you know that Doncaster is considered the 'Vatican City' of the north? It's rare beauty and it's fiscal wealth put many other northern towns to shame. The sheer gorgeousness of the place has inspired many artists and is a centre of great classical learning.

Hello,, Frankie. I've not said 'hi' for a while, so thought I'd better pop by. Hope you're very well and...

Have you got your fella to join up yet, or is he still only taking part vicariously?

What did he think to The Steep Approach To Garbadale?

Thank you for your friendship, Michelle. I was ever so concerned that I'd permanently annoyed you with my idiocy! I hope you have a lovely bank holiday.

Yo, Sarah! It's me, The Weeping Man. I hope you're okay, mate. Take care.

Ahoy there. I have (rather fortuitously) returned from Cornwall 12 hours early and have awoken this morning to find the world covered with about 6 inches of snow. I'm not even sure why I decided to drive back last night!

How are you doing? x

Individually: we humans can be quite nice to one another; collectively: we seem to act appallingly towards one another. Tribalism sucks the big one.

Have a good week, then, Ben. Enjoy yourself. Cheers, fella!