Jump to content

Severnlad

Member
  • Posts

    90
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Severnlad

  1. Two Irish men hire a boat and go out fishing in the Irish Sea. When they get about three miles from shore they drop anchor and over the next 5 hours each time they cast their lines they reel in a fish until the bottom of the boat is covered with fish.

    "This is a grand spot for the fish Murphy" says Paddy

    "Sure is", Murphy replies "Shall we come back tomorrow?"

    "How will we be able to recognise the same spot Paddy?"

    "We'll put a cross on the side of the boat Murphy"

    "Don't be so daft Paddy we might not get the same boat tomorrow"

     

    :)

  2. The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

    After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

    Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

    A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma you're looking good! How are they treating you?'

    Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew......

     

    'The B******s won't let me fart!!!.' :) :)

  3. Success

    At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.

    At age 35 success is . . having money.

    At age 50 success is . . . having money.

    At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.

    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants

  4. A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little

    ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the

    middle.

    The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being

    pulled by her dog and her cat.

    The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a

    nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

    'Thanks,' the girl replied.

    The firefighter looked a little closer.

    The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar

    and to the cat's testicles.

    'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how

    to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's

    collar, I think you could go faster.'

     

    The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but

    then I wouldn't have a siren.'

    :welcome::006:;)

    What do you think of that one then???

  5. We have had an abundance of tomatoes which because we haven't had enough sun have so far failed to ripen. Yesterday whilst the OH was out I decided to get rid of 3lb of the green ones by making chutney - my first attempt. We now have five jars of chutney which although I say it myself tastes pretty good. :blush:

×
×
  • Create New...