Nici

No need to thank, I just didn't want you to think that your pain was forgotten. And I know what you mean, it's so easy to forget that someone is gone. And then, when you remember it, it hits you like new, plus you get that guilty feeling because you forgot and feel like a bad person for that. It's all natural, really. Of course you forget that bad things. That's how human mind works. It hangs on to the good things, and then you suddenly remember there's not going to be any more of those magical moments and it's like you're losing them all over again.

But, I know this for a fact, every time you remember the good things, they get stronger in your memory. And every time the bad things come back to you, you feel a teeny tiny amount less bad. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you do. And you will. Of course, you might want to question who I am to talk, after I cried like baby the other day over my granddad and how he was happy to see me in the hospital when we went to visit him only two days before he died. (And he died when I was in junior high, so...)

There's going to be downs. Of course there will. But your mom wouldn't want you to think of the bad things. Or even that she's gone. I remember DD once said, right after maman died, that as long as I remembered her, as long as I thought of her, she wasn't really gone at all. There would be no more shopping trips, or days spent away in libraries and book stores, or days trying on clothes and giggling over our funny outfits, or going to the opera or ballet all dressed up and pretty (gosh, she was so pretty!), but as long as I remembered her, she would be right there with me, making a face at the mirror and laughing. I didn't believe DD at the time, but he was right.

Your mom is not gone, she's just... not here.

I'm okay, thank you.

*hugs*