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Really bad jokes

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I really enjoy telling my kids (who are 9 and 6) really cheesy jokes. Even at their age they sometimes roll their eyes at me.

 

But I could do with some more! Here are some of my favourites, prehaps you could share yours?

 

 

Did you hear about the man who was run over by a train?

He was chuffed to bits!

 

Did you hear what happened to the Brown Paper Kid?

He was hung for rustling!

 

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUNG!

 

 

 

 

Ian

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How do you know when there's an elephant in your bed?

He has E on his pyjamas!

 

*********

 

How do you weigh a whale?

You take it a whale-weigh station!

 

********

 

A little boy lay in a hospital bed. The lady with the snack trolley came along with ice cream.

"Would you like an ice cream?" She asked him

"Yes please." responded the boy in a high pitched squeaky voice.

"Crushed nuts?"

"No. Tonsilitis"

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There's lots of elephant jokes.

 

How do you shoot a blue elephant?

With a blue elephant gun.

 

How do you shoot a pink elephant?

You spin him round and round until he turns blue and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

 

How do elephants camouflage themselves on a billiard table?

They paint their toenails green.

Have you ever seen an elephant on a billiard table?

Good camouflage eh?

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Hahaha! These are terrific, everyone. Especially good elephant jokes, Poppy. :D

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I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas

Now I expect you're all wandering what the elephant was doing wearing my pyjamas.

LOL - Have you been watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Xan was watching it (AGAIN!) this morning, and it's one of the jokes Grandpa comes out with. ;)

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LOL - Have you been watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Xan was watching it (AGAIN!) this morning, and it's one of the jokes Grandpa comes out with. ;)

 

I have to admit I did watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang :)

It's a classic :)

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Ah excellent - Elephant jokes! I do have a few of my own, but they aren't suitable for the kids!

 

Thanks everyone so far - keep 'em coming!

 

In the meantime, here's one of my kids favourites.

 

 

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side!

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Two cannibals are sitting on a beach, gnawing on a clown. One turns ot the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

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Rider 1994, lol, I was told off for reading this aloud and then laughing

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What is black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.

 

Why did the mouse cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Here's one I stole earlier.

 

Knock knock

 

Who's there?

 

Ringo Starr's most complex drumming.

 

(BA DUM TISH)

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Ok, literally my favourite joke ever (seriously)

 

Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?

 

A: A cloud

 

:lol:

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lol these all made me laugh! My Dad's also good at cheesy jokes so here's some of his I can remember...

 

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate!

 

 

A man goes into a bar with his pet giraffe. After a while and a few drinks, the man goes to leave the bar, leaving the giraffe behind. The bar man calls after him "hey! you can't leave that lyin' here!" to which the man replies "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe!".

 

 

(this is one of my sisters favourites)

Why did the sand blush?

- Because the sea weed

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What do you call a gorilla with a shotgun?

 

 

SIR!!!

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What's pink and fluffy?

 

Pink fluff.

 

 

What's blue and fluffy?

 

Pink fluff holding it's breath.

 

 

What do you call a worm in a brick?

 

Stupid.

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Q: Why did the tomato blush?

A: Because he saw the salad dressing.

 

 

 

A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.

 

He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong.

 

The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."

Edited by Duncan

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My hubby told me a great joke today...

 

What do you call a fear of giants?

Fee-Fi-Phobia!

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I heard one fabulous joke today that reminded me of another...

 

The one I heard was:

 

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

 

It made me laugh so hard I nearly snorted coffee out my nose all over my computer! :D

 

The one it reminded me of is:

 

There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

It never fails to make me giggle like an idiot when I see tha tone. ;)

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