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Cooking with Fernet Branca by James Hamilton-Paterson


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Fernet Branca is one of those Italian herbal liquors, made from a bizarre mix of herbs, grasses and other things. Things like Cynar, made from artichokes; or Campari - the safest of them - made from something bitter and red; or Ramazotti and Averna, which are a little on the sweet side. Fernet, though, doesn't have the appealing rednesses of these other drinks. It's black, and syrupy, and looks scary. It's full of wormwood and gentian and all those other things that reek of 19th century hedonism.

 

The drink, though, isn't sweet as you'd expect it to be. It's bitter and harsh and powerful. 45% alcohol and, to put it politely, an acquired taste (although it is a taste I've acquired).

 

Gerald Samper, a British ghost-writer to the stars, has just bought a house in Tuscany. He is effete, slightly useless, an utter incorrigible snob, and a supposed foodie. Like so many others who move abroad, he wants peace and a change of scenery. He is one of our two narrators. Our other is his next door neighbour, who has also been promised peace and tranquility. She is called Martja and is a film composer from a non-existent former Soviet country.

 

The book is a comedy of misunderstanding and a satire on the people who live abroad. Funny and entertaining, and easy to read, as Gerald, recovering from ghostwriting terrible autobiographies of pop stars, tries to maintain peace with Martja whilst also trying to take on some new work. All the while they ply each other with the dreaded Fernet, claiming all the time that the other one is foisting the drink upon them. With lots of alcohol things get a little confused.

 

It's well worth a read. Not just for the story, but also, as Gerald narrates, he also throws in recipes that he, as the self-confessed foodie genius, creates. Nothing you'd ever want to eat, or cook, or even search out the ingredients for (otter? smoked cat?). But just for the sheer hilarity of the ideas. And for the fact he uses Fernet Branca in most of the food.

Edited by Freewheeling Andy
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Quite a lot of Italians view it as a "medicine".

In a way, it is. It actually does settle the stomach, oddly.

But it's really mostly a digestif.

My own Italian tuppence: it does indeed settle the stomach, very radically so - it will either drag it all back down or bring it all up... who knows? You can never know until you down the vile thing, but then again if you're resorting to it you probably don't care anymore. My family (both me and mum are motion sickness sufferers) has a flask of it permanently lodged in the glove compartment of the car.

 

The title for this confused me though. Why would anyone want to cook with something so foul-tasting?

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I actually love the stuff, you know. It's not vile. But it's marmite-like in whether you love it or hate it.

 

Anyway, the "narrator" is a foodie who creates utterly disgusting food, and that's one reason it's a regular ingredient of his. The other, I think, is that it refers to the relationship between Martja and Gerald, who should hate each other, who start off disliking each other, the same as people normally do with Fernet, and then perhaps acquiring the taste despite it's apparent lack of redeeming qualities. So there's a metaphorical meaning to the title as well as a literal one.

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