Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Hayley

      Something Wicked This Way Comes...   10/09/2019

      The Autumn Supporter Giveaway!       Welcome to the very first of the seasonal BCF supporter giveaways! This month also marks one year since I took on the forum, so I want to say an extra huge thank you to all of you for keeping this place going. I have a little bit more to say about that later but, for now, let's get to the giveaway!     The Autumn Giveaway winner will be getting two Penguin Little Black Classics, The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe and To Be Read At Dusk by Charles Dickens. Both of these little books contain three atmospheric short stories, perfect for autumnal evenings. The winner will also get Mary Shelley tea (a lavender and vanilla black tea) from Rosie Lea Tea's Literary Tea Collection (https://www.rosieleatea.co.uk/collections/literary-tea-collection) and a chocolate skull, to really get that spooky atmosphere .   and...   A special treat for a special month. The winner will choose one of the following recent paperback releases from the independent bookshop Big Green Bookshop:       The Wych Elm by Tana French A House of Ghosts by W.C. Ryan Melmoth by Sarah Perry The Familiars by Stacey Halls  The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White   The winner will be chosen via the usual random selection process in one week. Patreon supporters are entered automatically. If you aren't a patreon supporter but you'd like to join in with this giveaway, you can support here: https://www.patreon.com/bookclubforum.   I really hope you're all going to like this introduction to the seasonal giveaways. It's been a lot of fun to put together. Other chocolate skulls may have been harmed during the selection process…     
Stiggy

Finish the thought, game (join in)

Recommended Posts

"I may not know my ballcock from my ballbearing but I know a cock and bull tale when I hear one. Called your bluff..it's not a plumbing problem...I flooded the place and it's the ceiling needs repairing. Now kindly leave", said Gilby,

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

'ang on a minute moit, I was gettin' to that. Oim pretty 'andy with the odd bit of plastering and I can fix yer ceiling in a jiff! Loike I said, if yer ballcock 'adn't got stuck, yer 'eader tank wouldn't 'ave overflowed, and flooded yer roof 'ere. That's where yer problem lies, moit!'

Gilby was now rather unsure, 'How much would you charge? I want a fixed quote, now, none of your trumped up prices at the end !'

'Don't pay a cent over a thousand, Gilby, I've seen these shifty workmen before!' Cath interjected.

'Just the figure I was thinking of, moit, whattaya say?'

Gilby, who was thinking more of the five hundred dollar mark, sucked in his breath and said ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Take me round and show me your work" said an exasperated Gilby, following Darren about the regal mansion.Muffle began to..

Edited by itsmeagain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

whine and scratch at a loose floorboard in one of the deserted rooms.

'What is it Muffle? What have you found boy? You been messing round in here, Darren?'

'Been nowhere near this 'ere room,' Darren replied indignantly, 'no plumbin' 'ere!'

Gilby levered up the board and they were astounded to see ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a black binliner. On it was scrawled "Cash inside...lucky old you.", in green marker pen.

"Cor moit I ' ave never seen anyfing loik it.Aaa match d'ya fink...

Edited by itsmeagain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

's innit?'

'That, my man, is none of your business! You can go now, thank you very much!'

'Wat 'bout me remoonerayshun, loike?'

'Send me a bill.'

Darren reluctantly walked out, looking back over his shoulder, but Gilby was standing there, hands on hips, waiting for him to go. When he felt the coast was clear, he untied the top of the bag and peered inside. A low whistle sounded from behind him. Cath ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

round and round until he became quite dizzy and disorientated. It took a while for him to refocus but it seemed like Cath was surreptitiously stuffing something into her pockets.

'What do you think you're doing, Cath??'

Edited by poppy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Putting our money somewhere you will have to catch me to retrieve it!! " So it was that Cath Killtheurge ran round the house giggling, Gilby giggling and chasing her, his happiness.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

knowing no bounds. Unfortunately, the excitement of the moment drove all thought of his latest find right out of his head and he left it unguarded. Cath, although suffering a notable limp and leading Gilby to think he could easily catch her, had actually been the cross country limping champion several years in a row. She managed to elude him up several flights of stairs and was now playing hide and seek amongst the detritus in the attic. This gave Darren a chance to sneak back and ...

Edited by poppy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

have a close look at the bag...."Cor watch a!!

By the hair of Charles Dickens' beard. We have not so much a fousand as ten fousand " and out the door he strode, listening with mirth to the shrieks and giggles emanating from upstairs.

Gilby....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

of course had no idea how much money was actually in the bag and to be perfectly honest, it was the last thing on his mind just at the moment. So when Darren strode boldly out of the house and hopped in his work van, pockets and shirt stuffed with pound notes ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gilby was none the wiser . An hour later, both parties in the house were satisfied...Gilby whispering sweet nothings in Ms Killtheurge's ear...she said

"Gilby I am not even certain I want to Killtheurge!!!"

Both laughed gaily.

Darren laughed, saying " Remooneraytion moit oh yes ..me remooneraytion", as he drove home.

An hour of recuperation later, Gilby wanted to check what is in the fridge. He went and....

Edited by itsmeagain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

rummaged through the contents. One half-filled can of baked beans, mouldy; one limp stick of celery; a lump of very odiferous cheese; a couple of slimey pickled onions swimming in a murky, undefinable black fluid; a loaf of bread with enough penicillin growth to cure an entire small dominion; an opened pottle of yoghurt developing an ecosystem all of it's own and ...

Edited by poppy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a black banana which exuded a congealed liquid.

"Come to mine for dinner. Let's go" , called Cath gaily.

She said "Let's see how much is in the sack then" , and at that the two of them went to the room in question.

Their mouths dropped open with dismay.

"I can't believe anyone....

Edited by itsmeagain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

would be stupid enough to stick a whole heap of notes into a bag and stick it down a vermin infested hole in the floor!!'

For although there was a small handful of intact money at the top of the bag, directly underneath was a well chewed nest of pound notes and a large family of mice and offspring snuggled up. In fact, It looked like there could be several generations of them cosying up in there.

'Awww....aren't they cute!' cried Cath. Gilby began to have serious doubts about ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cath . I mean a crowd of mice in a sack!!

Gilby got suspicious, he took the sack outside and let the mice scatter all over the lawn.

Tipping up the sack, a paltry 80 quid flew out in a small pile of paper.

"I know that these mice didn't cause this damage...who's got the money? ?" , said Gilby, determined to find the.....

Edited by itsmeagain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

culprit.

'Don't look at me!' exclaimed Cath indignantly, 'I was with you the whole time!'

'What about when you went ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

to the bathroom and were gone 8 minutes 35seconds?" asked Gilby."Oh call me a thief will you? You would need something worth thieving. State of the mansion is a disgrace", and with that, Cath started.... ...... ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

to storm off, her sturdy brogues drumming across the old wooden floors.

Had Gilbert messed up again? Had he lost a soulmate because of his wild accusations? Was Cath really as innocent as she made out? Would she ever forgive him is she was? Would he ever find true love?

We must patiently await, dear reader, for Itsmeagain to answer all these and many more questions.

:giggle2:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fast forward six months.

At a quiet Epsom church, Catherine made the name change from Killtheurge to Supermarket.

Only slightly less embarrassing than her old name but she was a millionaire now and so how and why would it all matter?

Gilby was the world's happiest man.

Eleanor Doorstop was doing charity work in Vietnam;Vinnie Dessicate was running a coconut products business doing a roaring trade in coconut flavoured snacks;Darren was serving time for fraud; and Mr and Mrs Florence Supermarket were happy now Gilby was hitched to someone.

The end.

New thread? New story? Poppy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great ending Sean! :D Vinnie Dessicate making coconut products :rolol: Thanks so much for being such an awesome story partner here, been so much fun ... long may it continue! :friends3:

 

(I'll start a new thread, we've changed the original rules a little as we've gone along ;) )

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×