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      Something Wicked This Way Comes...   10/09/2019

      The Autumn Supporter Giveaway!       Welcome to the very first of the seasonal BCF supporter giveaways! This month also marks one year since I took on the forum, so I want to say an extra huge thank you to all of you for keeping this place going. I have a little bit more to say about that later but, for now, let's get to the giveaway!     The Autumn Giveaway winner will be getting two Penguin Little Black Classics, The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe and To Be Read At Dusk by Charles Dickens. Both of these little books contain three atmospheric short stories, perfect for autumnal evenings. The winner will also get Mary Shelley tea (a lavender and vanilla black tea) from Rosie Lea Tea's Literary Tea Collection (https://www.rosieleatea.co.uk/collections/literary-tea-collection) and a chocolate skull, to really get that spooky atmosphere .   and...   A special treat for a special month. The winner will choose one of the following recent paperback releases from the independent bookshop Big Green Bookshop:       The Wych Elm by Tana French A House of Ghosts by W.C. Ryan Melmoth by Sarah Perry The Familiars by Stacey Halls  The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White   The winner will be chosen via the usual random selection process in one week. Patreon supporters are entered automatically. If you aren't a patreon supporter but you'd like to join in with this giveaway, you can support here: https://www.patreon.com/bookclubforum.   I really hope you're all going to like this introduction to the seasonal giveaways. It's been a lot of fun to put together. Other chocolate skulls may have been harmed during the selection process…     
Stiggy

Finish the thought, game (join in)

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'Daily Muckrake here, cheers for the scoop, there's two reporters and a gang of cameramen on their way out to yours now.'

Gilby put the phone down with a very smug and self-satisfied look on his face. 'That'll fix 'em,' he thought, and he sat down to ...

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peruse his copy of The Daily Bling, a paper in which a man was reported to have turned into a dog whilst on the toilet; a French government minister has cake at number ten; an old man in a nursing home won 500 quid in the national lottery.

Gilby thought it prudent...

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to ring another rag whose headlines were equally as sensational. He could play one off against the other as to who would pay him the most for his scandolous story. He rubbed his hands together, then rang Scurrilous Snippets, whose editor ...

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Malcolm Sipple, was a bit of a character. You see, he had an affair with his ex employee's PA.

That led to a brief time when he didn't know what woman awaited him at home. One fine November evening.......

Edited by itsmeagain

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he was happily strutting along, whistling a lively little tune and thinking of nothing in particular, as was his wont, when he was hailed loudly by a 'Hoy, you there! Sipple of Snippets, what's the meaning of ...'

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this? Old Maud your neighbour says last night both your wife and your fancy bit rushed out to embrace you. How do You do it? Any tips?"

This person was Phil Mybox, 25, well known Muppet and full time acting....

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Cheese Shreader Manager at Little Chipping Cheese Factory.

'Complete pack of lies!' shouted Sipple, 'and if I hear any more from you I'll sue you for defamation of character!'

Phil burst out laughing, 'What character would that be then?'

Malcolm was ruminating on this insult when the phone rang and he misheard the caller as Phil not Gil.

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"Mr Mybox, no less!! And how are we today? Still intruding in the business of the employed? Well we have no call...."

"Ahem...Gilby Supermarket..millionaire..right here..can you send a reporter to Supermarket manor? I.....

Edited by itsmeagain

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have a snippet for your Scurrilous Snippets that's quite a snip, Sipple!' And he laughed uproarously at his own joke. There was dead silence at the other end of the phone. A sense of humour was not one of Malcolm's strongest features.

'Come to the point, Supermobile, and less of the alliteration, I'm a busy man.'

'Well,' said Gilby, 'it's like this ...

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...Barney Givemewomen...."

"Gifttowomen...an Old chum of mine....don't come

slandering my friends...what do.."

Disappointed, Gilby hung up abruptly.

He waited for the arrival of the Daily Muckrake and poured......

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out all the water from the leak catching buckets dotted round the house. He sighed, he'd have to do something about getting the rooves fixed. 'How is one man supposed to cope with all this alone?? Cooking, cleaning, laundry and an old heap falling down round my ears!  Feckless family and friends deserting me in my hour of need.' Feeling very sorry for himself he poured ...

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a stiff whisky. Downing it, the urge for another got quite overwhelming.

His thoughts turned to Eleanor and soon the whisky wasn't the only stiff thing in the room.....his back creaked as he leaned forward, giving him a sensation of backache. To suppress his stiff back he drank a fourth glass of whisky.

A press of his doorbell meant that he was soon to be found opening the window. Being a pompous man came easy to Gilby.

"Aloha my dear man..who goeth there?" drawled Gilby,.....

Edited by itsmeagain

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'It's me Gilby! Open the door, I came to see how you're getting along by yourself. I heard you'd come looking for me.'

Gilbert rushed to the door, yelling as he ran, 'Is that really you ...

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Eleanor? Oh Eleanor..."

Instead Gilby saw a small figure in a green baize anorak, brown mufflers, and red shoes.

Vincent Dessicate....

"Oh...well...can you tell.....

Edited by itsmeagain

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her ... that ...that ...'

'You can tell her yourself, Gilbert, she's just outside tying up the dog.'

'Dog? What dog? Eleanor's here??' He rushed outside and there she was, looking as beautiful as ever. He threw his arms around her and giving her a huge hug, sighed, 'Oh, I've missed you so, Eleanor.'

She ...

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said "Oh Gilby how are you? The thing is this dog , Muffle, is our gift to you to keep you company".

Gilby saw a gorgeous little black and white baby Border collie. The dog squealed with joy.

Gilby reflected that no matter how ugly you are, a dog will love you. Gilby had always thought dogs....

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were far easier to get on with than humans, they always seemed to like him (which just went to prove that Gilby couldn't be all bad).

He called Muffle and held out his hand, the dog licked it. Gilby beamed at the pair and said ...

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a gaudily and tastelessly decorated van with DAILY MUCKRAKER in large capitals plastered on the sides.

Vinnie rushed out to greet them, 'Pauly! Cathykins! Me old mates, fancy seeing you here, how's business?'

Gilby groaned ...

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'I'M Gilbert Supermarket!' Gilby butted in giving Vinnie a dirty look, 'I have personal business with these good people if you don't mind, Discombobulate!'

'We'll be off then,' said Eleanor, 'we'll catch up with you again sometime.'

'But ...but ...Eleanor ...no...I'll ...' gasped Gilby, torn between ...

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getting reporter attention for himself, and keeping Eleanor near.

Vinnie was simply so.....

Edited by itsmeagain

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infuriating! Gilby couldn't spend more than two minutes in his company without things going all pear shaped and knicker knotted.

'How's mother?' he asked, hoping to keep Eleanor a little longer.

'Oh, she's gone off with the under footman, Bahamas, I think they said,' butted in Vinnie and with an airy wave they hopped into ...

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a blue and gold horse drawn carriage.

Gilby was left with Muffle, Cath and her companion

from the Daily Muckraker.

"The taxi company run by Barney Dontknowwomen is corrupt. He tried to...."

Edited by itsmeagain

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'Barney who???' enquired Cath, pencil poised.

'You know, Windywomen, Stroppywomen ....whatever!'

Cath, who regarded herself as a bit of a feminist, glared over the top of her thick, horn-rimmed glasses.

'Don't come your misogynist attitudes with me, MISTER Supermarket! Unless you can give an accurate surname, we're not interested in your petty little story. The Truth is Our Game. Accuracy Our Name!' Which was rich considering ...

Edited by poppy

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