itsmeagain Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) Gilby reported a flood at his mansion. "Now mite I am out partying so will see you first fing in ve mornin..say 3pm when oi awake again see?" Gilby agreed then went desolately to bed, a rich.... Edited May 7, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 mushroomy aroma of damp, mould and decay assailing his nostrils. He dreamed he was floating on a flimsy raft in some dark and dank subterranean cave and the derisive laughter of Vinnie, Eleanor and Mother echoed round the walls. He woke with a start to discover ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) that an angry driving instructor was ringing the doorbell. Gilby opened the window to find a wizened, small old man pressing the bell hard. 'Gilby Supermarket? You asleep? I am Barney Gifttowomen and a pal of mine sent me over. You booked lessons under the aegis of".. "Dont call me an eejit as I am not Irish" , declared Gilby in an acerbic manner. Edited May 7, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) under the aegis of,' Barney continued, ignoring Gilby completely, 'Norflip and Chance Driving School. Our motto '60% of the time you pass everytime.' Hurry up, haven't got all day!' 'But I've got the plumber coming! You'll have to wait while I write him a note.' Barney sat in the car revving the engine impatiently. Gilby hopped in the driver's seat and ... Edited June 2, 2016 by poppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) said "let me borrow a post it note to let the plumber get a letter." "Phone him or text", declared Barney ,intuitive to the need a of his client, as ever. Gilby got out his phone. He blurted into the answer phone "look it's Gilby of Supermarket manor...am driving it's 9 a.m. so will be ready by 2pm bye." "Change places" said Barney, "as I need to take you somewhere quiet for your first lesson." Gilby wondered........ Edited May 8, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 how Eleanor was doing today. His mind wandered, he really wasn't onto it today, what with all the drama yesterday and then the flood and not knowing what Eleanor was going to do, and that sneaky Desperado $#&*^%$. It was all getting a bit much. Suddenly he realised they were deep in the countryside, somewhere he'd never been before and the way Barney was speeding along it didn't look like he intended to stop anytime soon. 'Hoy!! Where do you think you're taking me???' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 "Calm down moit, am just toiking you to a quoiet cantry loin for a safety check" declared Barney. Once there Gilby had to sit in the driver's seat and fiddle with the mirrors."What can you see?" asked Barney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 'The sky.' 'Gud,gud. Now that thoir's the 'celerator, that thoir's the brake. That's all yer really needs to know, loike. Stick that thing thoir in D for Drift n Bob's yer uncle.' 'No, Marv actually,' replied Gilby ever literal and he shot forward barely missing a large tree. 'You avter put yer foot on the brake for a start an then ease off loike.' Gilbert drove off in a series of jerks. After about five minutes of this, Barney said he'd be fine to drive now and if he just handed over a paltry thousand pounds he could have his licence straight away. Gilby thought ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 it would be worth it but he never had been a fan of breaking the law. "So tell me clever Dick...how do you forge the licences?" "Do not get clever wi me pal am tellin yer" replied Barney , trying not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 lose his temper, unreliable at the best of times, 'office only sends me geezers oo say they're desprate to get thoir licences. If you aint got the readys, you can hop it roight now!' 'I'll do no such thing! Do you know oo, I mean who I am???' 'All I needs to know is you're some rich geezer oos up for it.' 'Well you better swap seats and drive me home, I haven't got any money on me.' Barny got out of the car and as he did so, Gilby put his foot flat to the boards. The car ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 (edited) lurched forward like a drunk on too much ale, a sheen of sweat lining Gilby's furrowed brow. "Criminal muppet" yelled Gilby, waving at the bald pate of Barney as it receded into the distance."If I am to learn I shall do... Edited May 10, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 (edited) it myself!' And he did, hunched over the steering wheel, nose nearly touching the windscreen, he went hurtling along the road and surprisingly made it safely back to the office of Norflip and Chance Driving Academy. He rushed in and laid a complaint against Barney and his dodgy practices and then promptly rang the police about the whole situation. Minnie Wallop, the receptionist, overheard the 111 call and tried to ... Edited June 2, 2016 by poppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 (edited) intercede . "Stay back lady...this is important police business", declared Gilby in a peremptory manner. "Do not try telling me what.... Edited May 11, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 to do and not do! I'll have you know ...' But Gilby turned his back on her and walked out the door with his phone. Shortly after, a police siren could be heard (in a remarkably and highly improbable quick time) and with a screech of brakes it pulled up outside the driving school. The sergeant looked at the name sign, tut tutted and then ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 when Gilby gave his name the radio message crackles through. "Yeah Mr Supermarket was seen by a PC last night, roaming in a rainstorm in the wilds of .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Little Hinkley Bottom. We have grave doubts about his mental faculties, he claims to be a millionaire but you don't find a man of means, in his right mind, grovelling round in leaf mould and cow muck in the depths of winter! I'd take anything he says with a very large pinch of salt!' Gilby drew himself up to his full height, a little over 5' 5", puffed out his chest and ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 (edited) said acerbically "I...am Gilby Supermarket a man of means. Are you truly going to allow the.... Edited May 14, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 word of some jumped up, bombastic, half-educated plod to over-ride my bullet proof testimony??? I tell you, there's a criminal on the loose and if you don't do something about it, I''l be forced to ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) "Ahoy there shipmates...oi be Barney Gifttowomen...this clown drove off in my Ford Granada when he was under instruction. He got me to swap places. That involved me leaving the motor an his decision to droive away." "Mr Supermarket do you want to.... Edited May 17, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 press charges against our old friend Barney here? Barney's been our local driving instructor for many years now and has a fantastically high success rate with his pupils. We've never had any complaints before. You understand it will be your word against his? How long did you say you've been in the area again?' 'I didn't,' said Gilby, 'and quite frankly, I don't see what that's got to do with anything!' 'Well, it's all a matter of credibility really now, isn't it, Mr Supermarket?' and the constable smiled in what can only be described as a very ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 (edited) condescending manner. Gilby stated "Oh ..all handshakes in dark dingy corners now is it..did Gifttolizards give you a backhander to curry your favour?" PC Goldenboy declared inwardly that he would desperately crave being able to backhand Gilby right in the face ..curry my favour..I will curry your behind and feed it to a Rottweiler...but discretion being the better part of valour, Goldenboy said.."Have I any..... Edited May 18, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 of those pink complaint forms left PC Ramrod? You know those ones that get filed by our ever efficient secretary Mrs Ramrod, never to see the light of day again?' 'Certainly PC Goldenboy. Here you are Supermarket, fill this out and we'll process your complaint in due course.' 'How long will 'Due Course' be exactly, then?' asked Gilby. 'Well, can't say precisely, but looking at the backlog we have here, I'd estimate about ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 (edited) three weeks. After three weeks you will receive a stage one referral notice acknowledging receipt..receipt only ...of your complaint. Then after a further 11 days we send you an email saying we can now look at a date to talk to you.That..." Ready to sleep, Gilby recalled a time Miss Erudite, literature teacher, had told the class of pupils about Kafka, Frank he was known as in learned quarters. He wrote a book called The castle, replete with tales of absolute woe concerning bureaucracy and officialdom. Fighting off the snores, Gilby said "Don't worry. I have patience. And I will wait." Enigmatically, Gilby then went home by bus. He went and looked up the Daily Muckrake, a rag of such low esteem that all the anti immigrant, anti unemployed, sexist stories still gave it a readership of ........ Edited May 19, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 several hundred thousand avid readers. It was rumoured to be owned by Donald Trump, but it was as hard to pin him down on this, as it was to pin him down on actual party policy. But judging by the content and all the unsubstantiated claims the paper made, it was highly ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 likely to be a Trump affiliated paper. This aside, Gilby felt he required publicity. Pounding words into the keyboard, he wrote laboriously using one finger, an email to the news desk. Eight hours later his phone rang.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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