poppy Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 'Yep,' thought Ellie, 'a soggy bag of crisps, that would just about round off the riveting evening. I think I'll pass thanks Gilbert, better get on home, pressing things to do and all that, you know. My cats locked outside and I think I left the iron on.' 'Oh right, right! Don't let me keep you. Same time next week then?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 "I'll text you..bye." Thus ended the dullest date even Gilbert had ever experienced. He went home, stopping for kebab meat with salad at Greasy Fernando's kebab house on Stench locket Close. Ellie went home and told husband Ben that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 no matter how much pressure he put on her to use her bank knowledge to scam Gilbert, nothing would induce her spend one second longer in ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 his dullard, coma inducing company. "His weasly little face, his mousy unkempt hair, his red clothes..unbearable", declared Ellie. Meantime, Gilbert slept well. So well, indeed, that at 9.30am, a phone call.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookShelfy91 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Only just managed to drag him out of his unconscious state, he slapped his hand down onto the bedside table a few times searching for his phone. Hoping to simply make that dreadful noise stop. Successfully finding it he.. Shelfy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) chucked it across the room. It bounced off one of the hubcaps his cousin Ollie had given him, and exploded with an interesting spoinging kind of sound, denting the hubcap into the bargain. He was never at his best in the morning. He shrugged, he needed a new one anyway and now he was a multi-millionaire, it was time he ... Edited February 10, 2016 by poppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 went to the Uncooperative bank plc, on Dork Lane, for financial advice. Gruffly spoken, spiv like adviser Dave Gubbed, 26, was in charge."Tell me Mr...." "Supermarket..Gilbert". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 'What?' The Uncooperative Bank on Dork Lane were not known for their polite customer service. 'Supermarket Gilbert?? I didn't ask you where you shopped, man! Your name, your name!!' 'Ermm it's Gilbert Supermarket ...sir.' 'What kind of a name is that?? Ridicuous! What can I do for you, I haven't got all day you know" He looked Gilbert up and down. 'You realise this is an exclusive bank, don't you? You'd be better suited taking your custom to the Budget Banking Services on Billycan Alley! 'Well sir, you see, it's like this ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 ..I paid in a windfall of twenty five million smackeroons, so muchso that the amount had Ellie drooling. Had a date with me , she did...doesn't like ending a date on a high, declining mustard and sprout flavoured crisps last night.Your colleague Ellie." "Oh good man, good man..a man of the world", drawled Dave, deferential suddenly. "I need investment advice", said Gilbert, pretending that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 he was inspecting a fly on the wall about a foot above Drawly Dave's right ear. 'Certainly, certainly!' Dave replied, 'You have two options, you can invest your money long-term at an interest rate of 5%, that should bring you in the tidy little sum of ....' he did some rapid calculations on his calculator, 'approximately one and a quarter million a year or you can have an on-call account at 2.5%.' 'That doesn't sound very much, I better go for the first option.' 'Good choice, good choice, just sign here and we'll sort it all out for you. No, no don't worry about the fine print, mere formalities, you know what these legal beagles are like, dotting every i and crossing every bridge! Hahahahaha.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Suddenly worried, Gilbert left, saying he will think about the offer. Instead he went to look at a house, as his own crumbling house was. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 due to be demolished the next day. The council had condemned it as unfit for human or animal or in fact, rodent habitation and had slapped an eviction DO NOT ENTER notice on the front door. Of course, Gilbert had immediately removed it and had no intention of taking the slightest bit of notice of any limitations imposed on the gathering together of his motley collection of possessions. But now seemed as good a time as any to ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 invest in a nice three bedroom house in Chelsea. He entered Garble and Befuddle, estate agents, in Chelsea. "Good evening sir, have you got enough brass for one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 latte and a sticky bun? I left my wallet at home!' Gilbert assumed he was talking to the befuddled side of the partnership. 'Actually I'm here to look at houses.' Gilbert wasn't falling for that trick. 'Oh you'll have to talk to Garble about that, I only handle ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Befuddled buffoons, like the man seeking a gerbil recently, with respect sir, sticky buns in an estate agent premises is one thing, but quite another was a Dilbert seeking a gerbil. Grossly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 unfair it was to be lumbered with that kind of thing! I mean to say, what does one feed a gerbil to lure it out of it's hide? For all I know they could be highly dangerous and bite. Next thing you know, you've contracted rabies and where would you be then, I ask you? Gilbert had no idea where he would have been then and quite frankly ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 hd couldn't give a damn. "Houses, mush", he declared, his ludicrous middle of the road moustache belying the fact that hr was truly a little aggressive firebrand when provoked. "We do have a mansion in Chelsea, Smurf gardens, no 123", declared a balding man in tweed, with a black plastic petticoat to boot."I am Horatio Edgar Garble", the man... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 announced, holding out a very large and rather flabby hand with carefully manicured nails. He obviously wasn't a man used to any kind of physical labour. 'Fine little place, pretty garden, it's own resident smurf, not to mention a fine array of garden gnomes. Suit you right down to the ground, old chap. Move there myself, by jove, if wasn't for the little lady of the house. Hates blue, don't you know, dash it all!' Gilbert began to wonder what sort of establishment he'd entered, it was all taking on a rather surreal quality, only heightened further when ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 a man in a bikini, with a hairy chest..him not the bikini had the hairy chest..gave a rendition of the zMarseillaise, waving a French.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 croissant. Maybe, Gilbert thought, living in Uncle Marv's would be a better option than dealing with all the crazies in the real estate fraterntiy. Probate hadn't gone through, but that was a minor detail really, he was sure to be able to keep a low profile in that huge house. Time to go and suss the place out. He rang his mum for a ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 "Mum, am in the estate agent place, and a fella is waving his croissant around." "I will come and get you. Why buy houses when 25 million languishes in the bank? I know someone who could do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 your housework in Uncle Marv's manor. I'll pick her up on the way and we'll take a look at the old pile. See if we can't get it shipshape for you, have you moved in by ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 ... a small elephant named Clive. Has the surveyors report mentioned anything about screaming wood mites? You don't want that kind of tic infestation, it leads to ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 sore skin. I mean your dear Uncle Marv, he was eaten alive by the varmint tic, an interloper type of insect suddenly prevalent in 1940sLondon." Mrs Supermarket drove over to pick.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 up a cwt of elephant food, and some tin hats and earplugs. 'I know that neighbour of ours, Mr Raven, is rather dotty but he's very sound on screaming wood mites and protective headwear. We better not forget Ermintrude, though it's going to be a tight fit, what with elephant supplies and all. She's not exactly ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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