itsmeagain Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 gorgeous new pair of crocodile shoes. Being a bloke of taste, not to mention discretion, he hopped into a taxi. "Harrods, my old", he declared to Graeme Grunter, 48, balding, verbose,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 and opinionated cab driver. 'Thinks yourself a bit of a toff does ya?' he demanded.'I'll have you know, my good man, I'm a man of means and accustomed to making my purchases from what I like to think are the better class of emporiums!' declared Gilbert, in what he thought was a posh voice but which, in fact, sounded like he'd got a bluebottle stuck up his nose. Graeme, who'd just about had enough of driving unreasonable and rude clients around, decided to ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 'ave a bit of a larf wiv Gilbert, as any diamond geezer in London would do."Are you out on the beer tonight , mate?", asked Graeme. "Yes, no doubt it will be champagne." "Oh, we are dong well aren't we? 'Ere pal, go to Soft Sydney's Egg emporium daan Hackney for yer very best lovely women..knock back a few ciders wiv quality loidies, mite", droned Graeme. Eventually Harrods was reached."Thank God.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 we're here! Idiot!!' muttered Gilbert quite audibly.'That'll be twenty pound ninety p, for you, cheap at 'alf the price!' Gilbert handed the cabbie twenty-one pounds and told him to keep the change, scuttling out of the cab before he could reply. He could hear Graeme shouting after him but just ignored it. Which was quite a pity because Graeme shot off into the traffic and disappeared from sight before Gilbert realised he'd left .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) his mobile in the wretched, black, unwashed, typical, London cab. Oh what a nice mess! Gilbert wanted to ring the cab company, but realised he currently had no phone, he went into a phone booth. Slimy taxis phone number, was provided by a kind lady on the end of a directory enquiries line. Gilbert rang it. " A bald bloke in one o your cabs just drove off wi my phone"' blurted Gilbert, trying to avoid his shoes being defaced by urine, ... Edited January 27, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 as he relieved himself. Young Billy Box spotted him and yelled, 'Ooooo 'eck, that's disgusting! FLASHER! FLASHER!!' PC Percy Prendergast, patrolling the beat, came to investigate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 (edited) "Now officer, I insist on complaining regarding the state of these phone boxes", said Gilbert, self righteous to the core. "Now then now then, a boy saw your todger expel a medium quantity of golden coloured you rine. Sounds,as if you need a toilet", declared Percy, himself pompous,and pedantic to a fault. "Christ almighty, I just got out of a taxi, lost me phone, some tramp wees in here and some adolescent idiot tells you I.... Edited January 27, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 'm a pervert! Do I look like some kind of pervert??' 'Weeeelllllll .....' PC Prendergast looked him up and down, taking in the long, grubby trenchcoat and the once white sandshoes, now with holes in the toes and the colour of a long dead mouse the cat dragged in. His fly was still open. 'If you just accompany me to the station, sir, for further questioning, we'll see if we can get this little matter sorted out to the satisfaction of all parties.' Gilbert lost his temper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 He picked up a pen from his coat pocket, and, aiming it for the nose of Percy Prendergast , who was not exactly pleased to be struck by a cheap and nasty pen. Gilbert escaped, leaving somebody at the taxi firm mumbling "hello?" incessantly into the phone. Gilbert raced into Harrods, chose a suit...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 and legged it down a back alleyway, not called Sleazeball Alley for nothing. But today Gilbert's luck held and the usual gang of undesirables were otherwise occupied beating each other up with broken bottles and an assortment of nasty looking knives. Gilbert was able to sneak past without being noticed and headed for ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 the taxi office. In he strode. "A big bald geezer done run orf wi mi phone, seez", declared Gilbert, putting on a macho air. "I want it back..me fown, loik." Azkar Addelled, 65, owner of said cab company, radioed Graeme for a chat. "Graeme are you reading?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 'Yeah mate? Got a corker 'oo dunnit, Murder In the Taxi Ranks, it's called. Gotta bit of downtime.' Graeme could be a bit thick at times. The line crackled. 'Graeme, do you copy?' 'All the time, mate!' 'Got a geezer in 'ere says you got 'is phone.' 'That a bloke sounds like 'es got a warble fly stuck up 'is nostril? Looks like a perve? Nah, I chucked it, bloody thing nearly gave me a nasty turn, kept playing .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Abba tunes. " "You can be heard talking badly about a punter, can you just come to the office please?",@sked Azkar, bemused. "Oh gawd,, moit, of course oi ain't trashed is down, ii will bring it in." Twenty minutes afterwards, Gilbert left, phone in hand. His phone rang, it was "Ellie, yes..are you meeting me at Fancy Fritz' Fried Chicken cafe at 8pm?" "Yes I am , I will see you there." She hung up. Already Gilbert, who knew he was not good looking, wondered... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 if the suit he'd chosen from Harrod's would make up for his shortcomings in the mug department. He'd chosen what he thought was a fetching little number. White double-breasted jacket with an impressive looking gold insignia of some obscure yachting club, a red knitted tie and tight, bright red trousers to match. He didn't look half bad, he'd thought, when he'd preened himself in front of the floor length mirror. Now to see what kind of effect this dazzling vision would have on Ellie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 At 8pm , up they both rolled, him with a weak, worried, smile, her with a sigh. "I always like Fancy Fritz' fried chicken, my fave", she forced out, reluctantly. She was rigged out in old jeans plus a blue sweater, and trainers. Gilbert asked "So, tell me about yourself Ellie", forcing a,smile as he did so. "Got two kids, alone now, husband gone, work in a bank". She peered past him as she spoke. "Ok, well me, I am Gilbert, ordinary bloke, ordinary means", he said, affably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 'Ordinary means? You call $25 million ordinary means?' she blurted before she could stop herself. 'Well, I've only just come into it, before that I was very ordinary means ...but with aspirations, you understand. Big aspirations. I was thinking of training to be a lawyer,' he said importantly. 'Nothing stopping you now, then,' Ellie replied. 'Oh no, I've got an estate to manage now, big responsiblities,' he sighed, 'I have to put my own dreams aside and shoulder the burden that's been thrust on me, uncalled for.' Ellie sized him up and down, 'Would you like me to ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) get you a drink? I mean, we made it all the way here, we can at least eat and drink".Nodding mutely, Gilbert allowed her to saunter over and order chicken, chips , plus Lucozade. "This is the life", he sighed.Ellie returned to the table, she sighed despairingly, and sat down."So..what you been up to?"It was clearly one of those abysmal dates made in hell, you know, dear reader, like when.... Edited February 3, 2016 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 all you want to do is go home and beat yourself over the head with a brick, it would be less painful. The promise of a lifestyle of luxury and leisure in a large mansion was not enough to tempt Ellie into a relationship with Gilbert. She had never met anyone ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 so quietly self centred. He had no interests, it seemed, no opinions, and he dressed like a penguin at a fancy dress ball. He was just typical of a modern suburban idiot made good. Why did he thi k that I would be interested in him, she mused rhetorically, failing to be cognizant of the fact that she was the one who was desperate for a date. "What do you do for fun?", she asked, supping ginger ale through a,straw, watched disdainfully by Mahmood Isbad,25,proprietor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 who was poking a finger into his right ear experimentally and checking out the results. 'I like board games and jigsaw puzzles. I've just bought a 5000 piece jigsaw, you could help me with it. I don't usually like people helping, but I could make an exception for you. I like collecting things too, bottle tops, nails, road cones, that kind of thing. I could show you my collections, I'm really excited about a new ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookShelfy91 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Road cone that I grabbed off the side of the road from the last set of roadworks that I went through. It's very orange and shiny and very pretty..I can't believe.. Shelfy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 really, how much nice rubbish a bloke may accumulate. My cousin Ollie, from Wealdstone, was over in Portsmouth three Thursdays back, he went through a tunnel, and... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 (edited) came back with a heap of hubcaps that had fallen off. He even had one off a Cadillac! What do you think of that? Ellie stifled a large yawn, not very successfully and ... (big welcome BookShelfy and fellow antipodean! ) Edited February 6, 2016 by poppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookShelfy91 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Glanced down at the watch on her wrist, realizing just how late it really was, as well as just how early she needed to be up the next morning for work. Another day another dollar she thought with a frown. I really wish.. (Thanks Poppy, it's fun!) Shelfy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Big welcome Shelfy!! this dude was attractive, or I could feign him being attractive... Her dismal reverie was interrupted by Gilbert's plaintive question " how about a bag of crisps before we go home? A nice way to end our chat." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts