itsmeagain Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 (edited) "Shut zis sheet talk!!" Etienne demanded, demandingly. "By ze blessed tenets of my father's grave, I hereby swear, I vill beat ze owner of ze phone wiz a rusty poker if he fails,to quit yelling I wasn't doing ze dirty into ze phone!!" Passengers looked at Dex, Edited December 29, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Some started to titter, an old lady shook her knitting needle at him disapprovingly and a small boy said 'Ummmmm .....you're not supposed to use cell phones on a plane. I'm telling!!' in a most annoying fashion. Carlina had had enough, 'The rest of you might not speak French, but I do! We've got a hi-jacker on board! Come on Dex!' and grabbing the old woman's knitting needle, she stormed towards the cockpit. 'Grab my handbag Dex, it's got a heavy book in it, you can ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) use it to pan this idiot over the head if you like." Dex followed her to the front, Carlina confronting Etienne close up. "So you think it's ok to mess up my return to JA?" "What is zees?" demanded Etienne, bitterly. "Go and..... Edited December 30, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 get *&^%$, you nappy headed ho! (apparently he was conversant in some less choice English vernacular) 'WHAT did you just call me??' yelled Carlina, jabbing him with the knitting needle in a more tender part of his anatomy. Etienne doubled over in pain giving Dex a chance to whack him over the head with Carlina's handbag and rugby tackle him to the ground. Dex sat on him while Carlina tied his hands with a stocking kindly donated by the elderly knitter lady and to stop all further obscenities, they taped his mouth with ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) Sellotape given to them by Gertrude Grant, 76, from Clarendon, Jamaica. Dex was now... Edited December 31, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 hailed a hero, and Carlina a heroess (grammar wasn't the hailer's strong point) and they were both promised ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Free access to pineapple juice whenever they flew Air Jamaica again .Dex felt.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 rather hard done by and when he threatened to unmute and un-stocking an incensed Etienne, free return tickets, along with the pineapple juice, were forthcoming. Dex now felt he was in quite a strong bargaining position so he pushed for ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 A tonne of book vouchers, 3 litres a day of Birmingham beer, a subscription to Crime writers' reads newsletter, a stock of sausage butties, two... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 jars of marmite, a carton of baked beans and four bottles of HP sauce. The pilot had had enough and shouted, 'Just give him a return ticket and put him on the next plane home will you!!' Dex decided to accept the free return ticket home but no way was he going to ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 accept just pineapple juice. "Take the plane to Kingston, as planned . I saved you all!!" shouted Dex, austerely. Carlina was busy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 trying to straighten out the elderly knitters knitting needle, who wasn't at all pleased with it's now warped shape. 'I've wiped off the blood,' Carlina said soothingly. 'How am I supposed to knit with this??' she demanded imperiously, 'I've a good mind to ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) beat you up , using my licking stick. And for all you non Jamaicans who dunno say what me mean, check out de song by Desmond Dekker..licking stick!!" "No bodder try fe bamboozle me wid you nonsense" declared Carlina, furiously, trying to show how tough she looked when using patois, "me might even try.. Edited January 2, 2015 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 usen' some of dat sellotape belongen to Gertrude to muffle dat dere noise you fixin' on maken'!! Mildred Bracegirdle, the crotchety knitting lady, shut up immediately. Dex was surprisingly silent ^^^ and Carlina began to wonder if ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) he wasn't perhaps, offended by her showing her non ladylike ways "Many guys like a demure, sweet, lady" she mused. silently " they think it's sexy. Well, if he wants demure and sweet...." and with that her demeanour changed, she led Dex back to his seat, people looking at the pair of them as they passed down the aisle. "Well done my hero" said Carlina enthusiastically. "I just feel it was..... Edited January 3, 2015 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 unappreciative of the pilot. I won't be flying Aeroflop again!' 'Never mind, we'll soon be landing in Kingston,' said Carlina, reverting to her usually faultless English, 'and then we can ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 get down to showing you the sights, talking about the wedding, letting you meet my parents,and .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 shopping for a trousseau.' Dex's jaw dropped, 'Hey, just hang on a minute!! Aren't you rushing things here? I don't recall mentioning the 'M' word even once!' He mentally decided to grab the return ticket as soon as they landed and head straight back home again. 'But Dex, I invited you to listen to my Dexys Midnight Runners collection, doesn't that mean anything to you?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Suddenly Fex decided to play it cool. He recalled itsme being a mental health nurse, so decided to email him later regarding Carlina's odd behaviour and statements. For now hestayed sullen, quiet and nonplussed,he trailed around the aeroplane, downing comlimentary Jamaican rum "Oh the wedding will be so nice..Dexy' s midnight runners too" said Carlina , effusively. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Meanwhile, Itsme, Anna and Poppy had touched down in Montego Bay. They had made a slight mistake is choosing which airport to fly to. Poppy knew there was a song about it and had unfortunately ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 forgotten the lyrics. She saw an old lady in the airport...Edith Craines, 86, from Montego bay. "Do you know the lyrics to the Montego Bay song?" enquired Poppy, inquisitively. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 'Come sing me la, come sing me Montego Bay. Oh oh oh oh oh oh Montego Bay,' Edith warbled with great enthusiasm but completely off key. 'Lovely,' said Poppy, clapping, 'but oh dear, I think I should have been thinking of a UB40 song. That's where we're supposed to be. What do we do now?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) "What, you mean seh you waan be in Montego Bay? Say what?" asked Edith, incredulously. "You mus waan fe go Kingston my sweet..dis ya is Montego..aha.."..@nd at that, Edith walked away, waving jauntily as she departed. Poppy asked itsme... Edited January 5, 2015 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 'How far is I do you reckon? Do you think we could walk?' (geography had never been her strong point). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts