itsmeagain Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 A passing youth threw some fish n chips on the floor..Dex swiftly got hold of the wrapping minus the chips and... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Using some origami techniques formed a weapon so formidable that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Mrs Hattie Shoebank, OBE, retreated in a flurry of uncoordinated umbrella lunges. She stormed off in high dudgeon (no relation to Geoff) heading straight for the local Municipal Council to lay a series of complaints. Since begging was proving so financially unrewarding, Dex decided instead to try his hand at ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Selling old crime novellas, this he decided was in order to compete with his local library, after all he has a great number of books. So he Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Went home to browse his shelves, Of his most recent reads dex definitely decided that he could do without His two jack Paris novels, He paused by his hakan nesser books and thought maybe he could just bear to part with these. A lot of other books, he thought were disappointing happened to be part of large sets, he was loathe to part with. He did have some Michael dibdin, which he started but put down. Anyway dex dejectedly dismantled his bookshelf after managing to pick some terribly tiresome tomes, he could pass of as rip-roaring reads, (Oh yes, They'll be ripping them up, roaring how bad they are and I'll be Quid's in)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 (edited) As he left his front door Dex looked at his yellow Range Rover and thought,dispiritedly, that he will need help loading her up. He saw Squidley Jones, aged 19, daft and thick, and asked do you wish to make yourself useful? Edited September 12, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 'Duh! Ya fink I'm daft or fick or somefink?? Carry ya own bloomin' books mate!' So Dex was left to load everything himself. Finally he drove off, laden to the hilt and in dire danger of blowing a shock absorber. Back at the library ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Cornelius Puncheon, 87, was having a problem locating his eyeglass. He searched through all his pockets until on the table in front of him lay 3 packets of toffees,two reminders that his eye appointment is due,18 bus tickets, a leaflet for a downtown burlesque show and.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 (love the names you come up with Its me ) a court summons for reckless driving, speeding and resisting arrest. He'd managed to outrun a pursuing cop but unfortunately for him, they'd got his number plate and tracked him down. Cornelius was at the library now to explore his rights as his dratted computer was down again. If only he could find his eyeglass and locate the power button ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) ....instead of which, Cornelius ended up pressing a button which tipped back his chair, he ended up at a 45 degree angle, and hanging in mid air. Help i need to find my monocle he yelled.Beatrice Cornthrop, library officer, takes up the story here. Edited September 14, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 'CORNELIUS!!' she trumpeted (how she'd ever got a job in a library with a fog-horn voice like that, is one of life's little mysteries) 'I've had occasion to discuss this with you before. Do not, I repeat NOT, PLAY WITH THE BUTTONS!' With that she returned him to an upright position in a very abrupt manner, nearly giving poor Cornelius whiplash. He poked out his tongue and made a rude noise. But an ill wind and all that ....the rapid movement had unseated his monocle from the depths of his trench coat pocket and now.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 It fell forth onto the table, from where Cornelius picked it up and put it on..Wow he said, upon meeting the fierce gaze of Beatrice Cornrhrop, I didn't know I was seeing a dominatrix or what you call her..at which Beatrice yelled, he thinks he is in a house of ill repute, oh god protect me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Luckily for Cornelius, at that very moment, before Ms Cornthrop could take matters into her own hands and thump him over the head with a particularly large tome of The Encyclopaedia Britannica, something at the corner of her eye caught her attention. It was Dex, backing very loudly and aggressively up to the library steps. With a screech of brakes and a final backfire from the exhaust he ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Came to a juddering halt.On the library forecourt he set up, book by book, his alternative library. Out came Cornelius, monocle in face, and began to peruse the wares Dex was trying to sell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 (edited) Since he intended to plead poverty at his forthcoming court cases, and being an avid crime fan, he decided it was little point having any savings. 'I'll buy the lot!' he said, giving Dex a resounding clap around the back. "Will you take a cheque?' Edited September 18, 2014 by poppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 (edited) Guess so muttered Dex, reluctantly...to Dex's growing surprise Cornelius put a hand in his dirty inside pocket, pulled out a cheque sized strip of checked cloth, and plonked it into Dex's outstretched hand. What's that asked Dex peremptorily. A check said Cornelius, you see lad , in my day we lived in times of rationing so think yourself lucky son..with that he hailed a passing cab, took a carrier bag full of books, said wait here..and disappeared in the taxi. Edited September 18, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 'Wait here! What does he mean 'Wait here!' ? Dex revved up his old Range Rover, dropped the clutch and leaving an appreciable portion of his tyres on the road, gave chase. Within minutes ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Dex was bursting through red lights, his mountain of books rolling and turning loosely around the floor of his yellow clapped out Range Rover. Dex saw the taxi dart down a dingy side street. He saw Cornelius attempt to get the card he was holding into a soiled, sordid looking cash machine. "I need the brass so as to pay the bloke with all them books" he said, saliva pouring down his face in anticipation of the good reads ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 As he turned around, he found Dex standing right behind him with his hand out. 'I'll have that thank you very much!' Counting the notes Dex discovered there were several hundred dollars (pounds??) easily enough to cover all the books in his Rover. 'Tell you what, Corny, hop in and I'll give you a ride home. Where do you live?' '199 Dingly Bottom Lane.' 'Never heard of it, you better give me directions.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) Corny Cornelius got in, his coarse dry spluttering cough, the reek of stale tobacco,and his halitosis creating a negative impression on Dex. Well me old son coughed Cornelius, you turn down Toilet wall drive, around Pig trough court..Dingly bottom lane is 14th on your right our kid.... Edited September 21, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 ...ney's need a bit of relief, me ol' fruitcake, just stop by that there tree will ya?' Dex was very tempted to not only stop by that there tree but to leave the old codger there. But his better nature won out and he waited patiently and looked the other way while Cornelius made rather a performance about the whole thing. Finally, they set off again, winding in and out of seedy looking lanes, finally pulling up in front of .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 An old battered two up two down with a small hole in the bottom of a decaying yellow chrome door. This is it dex,cried Cornelius, my home. Come on in for chips..part payment for your books. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Before Dex had a chance to emphatically decline, Cornelius had dragged him through the door, causing Dex to trip over a mangy ginger cat who let out a raucous yowl and shot out the rickety yellow cat-flap, like a greased pig avoiding the castrators. 'Hello, my little fruity pancake,' Corny bellowed at a surprisingly buxom young woman, giving her a resounding slap on the posterior. 'Meet Trixie, my uh-hum, 'housekeeper' Dex!' Trixie giggled and held out ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Her hand in welcome, Dex couldn't keeps his eyes off her golden brown skin and perfect proportions, They were a wonder to admire. Dex felt faint, He'd never seen such a beautiful sight and the perfume smelt heavenly, He was salivating. It was there on a plate, right in front of him. 'The Perfect Sausage and Bacon sandwich he had ever seen in his life' with lashings of brown sauce. Dex was intoxicated, he couldn't decide whether etiquette dictated that he could just devour what was in front of him, or he should eat at the table. Dex was suddenly brought out of his musings by Cornelius's polite Cough... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmeagain Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 (edited) A hand for Dex to kiss. Dex kissed it and engaged in a frank appraisal of her buxom charms. A smell of rancid cooking fat followed by a spluttering of hot fat from the kitchen led Dex to the knowledge of Cornelius frying spuds as promised or threatened earlier. Edited September 24, 2014 by itsmeagain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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