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the fun? Was fun with females as great as dancing the fandango with fellas?

All these questions, and more, were circulating around the brain of our intrepid adventurer, diminutive Vinnie Dessicate.

"I cannot wait to get you back to the house Vinnie, we can try out the bed in ...

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that huge room with the massive four poster!'

Vinnie suddenly felt very nervous. A kiss and a cuddle was one thing but Florence seemed keen on something more and he wasn't sure if he was up to it or even exactly what IT was!

'How about we just ...

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take things a bit easy Mrs Supermarket, I mean a gay man needs time to learn the nuances of straight relationships. Your son will be really angry that you have tried to seduce me, so please..time."

"OK...my poor old hubby, Wilf, will be expecting his dinner. I will call you later", and she got in her car and drove away, Vinnie standing by a puddle holding an empty carrier bag.

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and pondering on the vagaries and complete unfathomability of Mrs Supermarket, and indeed women in general, he decided putting the plastic shopping bag over his head, to cause suffocation, was probably a little overdramatic at this stage. So realising he had no money in his pockets as he'd been relying on Florence for the readies, he manfully shouldered the empty bag and ...

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he did manfully walk, in determined posture, down Snotty street, in ti Reeker parade, where Vinnie went into the library.

"I know I am sweating dear librarian, butI have a dilemma..Mrs,Supermarket is a,divine and lordly soul but....

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I find the female a mysterious and perplexing being. Would you have any books on the subject to enlighten me on the finer details of the more mature lady of the species?

'Well, sir, if you care to look in Aisle 59 D, between numbers HQ 1180 to HQ 1190, I think you'll find ...

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can flower arrange together." That sounded useful, thought Vinnie. But the one that really caught his eye was 'Everything I know About Woman I Learned From My Tractor by Roger Welsch (real book for anyone that's interested :rolol: )He checked them out at the counter. Now armed and dangerous, he hailed a taxi, hoping Gilbert would pay at the other end.

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On arrival back at Supermarket manor, Vinnie was hoping that Florence was about to let him cook dinner..beef, mushrooms, shallots, in a rich sauce. Yet she was no longer around.

In the kitchen it was quiet , desolate, and still.

He heard the mumble of a radio....Gilby listening to Radio 3 classical....

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Music Hour. Wagner! 'Typical,' thought Vinnie, 'just what you'd expect from Gilbert. Why couldn't he be listening to Chopin or a nice little bit of Mozart? Enough to give you galloping gastric reflux whilst you were sautéing the shallots!' He chopped parsley with more violence than necessary, thinking dark thoughts which Wagner tended to inspire in him. The day was turning into ...

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a bit of a farce...oh well, dinner alone is better than dinner with Gilbert.

Across town, Darcus Mucus, 61, driving instructor, answered the phone. " I am Gilly Supermarket, I"

"I do not accept unsolicited cold calls", said Darcus in a peremptory manner.

"My name is Gilly and the surname does not mean I am a,shop..can you give me driving lessons?"

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'Have you got a learners?' asked Darcus, again very curtly. How he ever got clients is anyone's guess.

'No, but.....' said Gilbert.

'Well come back when you do,' and he hung up.

Gilbert rang back, he was nothing if not persistent.

'Supermarket here again.'

'I've told you already today I don't take unsolicited calls!' and he slammed down the phone.

Determined not to be thwarted, Gilby ...

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rsng Fred's finicky first pass, a renowned London driving school by courtesy of the fact that the driving instructors were usuallly grumpy, over 60, and very very dull and boring. Instructor Dave Candoit, 61, picked up the phone. "Feeds finicky first pass, Dave at your service", be said in a gruff, coarse , Cockney accented voice."Hi , Mr Supermarket speaking. All I need....

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'We don't take unsolicited cold calls!' and Mr Candoit of Fred's Finicky First Pass hung up as well.

'This is ridiculous!! Right! That's it! I'm changing my name by deed poll. Hmmmm ....what name will I choose, I've always rather fancied myself as a Mr. ....

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Sensible, as I am rather sensible most of the time. And he thought about how he would manage the affair of s name change.

Through to Candout again, he arranged a first driving lesson..next Monday, 4pm, Dave Candoit had told him.

He got a knock on his room door.

"Eleanor Doorstop, sandwich maker. I live in the garret, remember the sandwich....?"

Gilly rushed to the door, opened it, and was...

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Sensible, as I am rather sensible most of the time. And he thought about how he would manage the affair of s name change.

Through to Candout again, he arranged a first driving lesson..next Monday, 4pm, Dave Candoit had told him.

He got a knock on his room door.

"Eleanor Doorstop, sandwich maker. I live in the garret, remember the sandwich....?"

Gilly rushed to the door, opened it, and was...

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gobsmacked by the apparition that stood in front of him. There holding a tray that contained a steaming mug of tea and what looked and smelled like a delectable pile of bacon butties, was a little auburn haired beauty, bare-footed and in a threadbare dress. Nevertheless she was enough to ... 

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back trouser pocket caused by his overstuffed wallet. :P  Since his mother had taken possession of his credit card, he'd been forced to do cash bank withdrawals and there was a cool couple of thou jammed in there at the moment. He really must find somewhere safe to put it.

'Will you join me for a little ...

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Tête a tête and a lovely mug of tea, in the top floor conservatory?", asked Ms Doorstop, her suntanned legs bare beneath her threadbare dress. Gilly whispered "My oh my you are beautiful", and up they went, in a lift. Gilly hadn't explored this part of the house yet and he was astonished to see it was clean,,tidy,,with lush...

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sub-tropical flowers and ferns in abundance.

'Oh my, oh my, THIS is beautiful too!'

Eleanor smiled sweetly and said, 'You're welcome to come up here and relax whenever you like. This is my private little retreat. Your uncle could be quite demanding, wanting snacks and sandwiches and weird and wonderful concoctions at all hours of the day and night.'

'Er, when did you get paid last?' Gilby asked, 'I don't mean to be rude, but ...

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you are only wearing rags. Have you..."

"Marvin used to give me bed plus board, free but no money. His favoured serf was Vincent Dessicate, a young..."

"Oh and did he get paid?"

"A large amount...why do you ask?"

"Because I am the new owner, Gilly Supermarket, and I will..

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sort that out immediately!'

'But wait, you haven't finished your tea and buttie!'

'I'll be back, don't you worry,' and he stormed off in high dudgeon.

He found Vinnie in the basement with his mother comfortably esconsed on his knee.

'Now look here Despicable!!!....

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.a splendid young lady,a Ms Doorstop informs me you got paid by Marv yet she didn't. Well your contract is up for renewal and I shall be the one who decides who gets paid. Come to my living room at 11 @m tomorrow with employment contract in hand." And away he strode,almost tripping over...

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