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      Something Wicked This Way Comes...   10/09/2019

      The Autumn Supporter Giveaway!       Welcome to the very first of the seasonal BCF supporter giveaways! This month also marks one year since I took on the forum, so I want to say an extra huge thank you to all of you for keeping this place going. I have a little bit more to say about that later but, for now, let's get to the giveaway!     The Autumn Giveaway winner will be getting two Penguin Little Black Classics, The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe and To Be Read At Dusk by Charles Dickens. Both of these little books contain three atmospheric short stories, perfect for autumnal evenings. The winner will also get Mary Shelley tea (a lavender and vanilla black tea) from Rosie Lea Tea's Literary Tea Collection (https://www.rosieleatea.co.uk/collections/literary-tea-collection) and a chocolate skull, to really get that spooky atmosphere .   and...   A special treat for a special month. The winner will choose one of the following recent paperback releases from the independent bookshop Big Green Bookshop:       The Wych Elm by Tana French A House of Ghosts by W.C. Ryan Melmoth by Sarah Perry The Familiars by Stacey Halls  The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White   The winner will be chosen via the usual random selection process in one week. Patreon supporters are entered automatically. If you aren't a patreon supporter but you'd like to join in with this giveaway, you can support here: https://www.patreon.com/bookclubforum.   I really hope you're all going to like this introduction to the seasonal giveaways. It's been a lot of fun to put together. Other chocolate skulls may have been harmed during the selection process…     
Athena

What's Up in February? - 2019

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Whew! We're almost halfway through February already!

 

I had an appointment at the dentist this morning to get a cavity filled (my check-up appointment was in January). The dentist wasn't 100% sure she could do it, and if not she said she would have to pull the teeth (it's right at the back of my mouth). So I'm super glad that everything went well!! My mouth is still numb in places, so now it's just waiting for that to wear off. I'm so glad it's over again!!

 

After my dentist appointment, my partner and dropped off a package and did a bit of shopping in the local area. The weather is nice today so we enjoyed our walk back home.

 

My parents have a new car, a Tesla Model 3. It's currently black, but it will get its final colour over the next weekend (a kind of reddish colour that shines and looks different depending on where you're standing and looking at it).

 

What's going on with you in February?

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Glad the dentist went well, that numb feeling is weird isn't it? 

 

February is going by quickly isn't it? 

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It is a weird feeling!

 

Yes, I feel like it is going by quickly!

 

I hope you have a nice day, Madeleine :).

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February is a busy month with my nephew's christening this Sunday as well as many birthdays including my own. I would like to have birthday celebrations but not get older if that is possible.

 

Glad everything went well at the dentist. It's bad enough with just regular check ups. 

 

I agree this month is flying by. 

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17 hours ago, Lau_Lou said:

February is a busy month with my nephew's christening this Sunday as well as many birthdays including my own. I would like to have birthday celebrations but not get older if that is possible.

 

I hope you have fun this month will all the birthdays :). I hope the ceremony this Sunday will be nice :).

 

17 hours ago, Lau_Lou said:

Glad everything went well at the dentist. It's bad enough with just regular check ups. 

 

Thanks :), I agree!

 

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February is my renewed fight with my washer which has recently become quite temperamental. Bad timing for it as I'm flying out on Monday and really like having clean clothes and not coming back to a pile of washing. 

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36 minutes ago, Polly Parrot said:

February is my renewed fight with my washer which has recently become quite temperamental. Bad timing for it as I'm flying out on Monday and really like having clean clothes and not coming back to a pile of washing. 

 

Oh dear that is bad timing. It's so annoying when appliances let us down.

 

I've been off work sick all week (well working from home today and yesterday) and I'm going stir crazy! I haven't had a proper conversation for nearly a week! Anyway the sun is shining so I'm going to go for a little stroll. Yay - getting out of the house!

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17 hours ago, Polly Parrot said:

February is my renewed fight with my washer which has recently become quite temperamental. Bad timing for it as I'm flying out on Monday and really like having clean clothes and not coming back to a pile of washing. 

 

That's not nice :(.

 

16 hours ago, ~Andrea~ said:

I've been off work sick all week (well working from home today and yesterday) and I'm going stir crazy! I haven't had a proper conversation for nearly a week! Anyway the sun is shining so I'm going to go for a little stroll. Yay - getting out of the house!

 

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, I hope you enjoyed your walk :).

 

Today I'm planning to do a lot of laundry and other chores. The weather has been lovely the past few days and will probably be like this for at least a few more days, and I'm really enjoying that :).

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17 hours ago, ~Andrea~ said:

 

Oh dear that is bad timing. It's so annoying when appliances let us down.

 

I've been off work sick all week (well working from home today and yesterday) and I'm going stir crazy! I haven't had a proper conversation for nearly a week! Anyway the sun is shining so I'm going to go for a little stroll. Yay - getting out of the house!

Hope you are feeling better very soon!

 

I'll probably spend the morning cleaning the chickens out and doing odd jobs and pottering around the house, until my partner gets here. My brother and partner and gran are also coming over so shall be nice to see them all.

 

22 hours ago, Athena said:

 

I hope you have fun this month will all the birthdays :). I hope the ceremony this Sunday will be nice :).

 

 

Thanks :), I agree!

 

thank you :) It should be a lovely day. He is also a rather sociable baby so I don't think it will faze him too much. 

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We spent the day in London yesterday using some experience vouchers we got as wedding presents. We had a 'jetboat' ride up the Thames taking in some of the sights along the way, we were so lucky with the weather. Afterwards we went to the London Steakhouse Company for lunch. It is owned by Marco Pierre White and has won awards in the past but I thought the food was merely OK and I would definitely been disappointed had we been paying the full a la carte price for our meal.

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It sounds like you had a nice time out in London :). Shame the food was a bit of a letdown but I'm glad the day was nice otherwise :).

 

I had a good appointment with my.. 'therapist' this morning. She's not a therapist but I'm really not sure what the English word would be, I cannot find one that accurately describes it. She helps me with various things in my life. Tomorrow we're taking a family friend out to lunch for her birthday.

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You had  a lovely day for a boat trip, glad it wasn't today, it sounds lovely.

 

I had today off work bit it's rained all day, typical.

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I am not sure what the word would be for this in English Gaia - support worker maybe, as it sounds like the type of service we provide for the clients where I work - helping to manage finances, take them shopping, manage their properties and different aspects of their lives - it's really helping them to be more independent.

  

February is flying by though and I can't believe we are halfway through the month already.

 

It's been a busy one on the work front as we are nearing the end of the holiday year and everyone is busy using up their annual leave - including me. I am off to La Palma in the Canary Islands this Saturday for a week. It should be a good week as it coincides with the annual carnival - it might also be a bit noisy then. 

 

Talking of noise, I spent another day with the protestors outside Parliament on Valentines Day for an event called Cake Not Hate. It was a brilliant day with like minded people (several hundred of us - you may have seen us on the Channel 4 news!) sharing stories and making friendships. I got to meet and have my picture taken with Mr Stop Brexit and saw the EU Super girl perform, which was great. Another March has been announced for the end of March which I have already signed up for and which I am busy making preparations - gold stars have been ordered to adorn my clothing, along with several colourful badges. 

 

Coran has not been too well of late - she has had a lot of personal stuff to deal with and has been missing her best friend Sarah who has been in training these past few weeks getting to know her new assistance dog. She is feeling better than she was, but is still quite low.   

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February always seem to fly past, I suppose being a short month makes a difference as well.  Easter still seems a long way off though!

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19 hours ago, Madeleine said:

I had today off work bit it's rained all day, typical.

 

Awww :(.

 

19 hours ago, Talisman said:

I am not sure what the word would be for this in English Gaia - support worker maybe, as it sounds like the type of service we provide for the clients where I work - helping to manage finances, take them shopping, manage their properties and different aspects of their lives - it's really helping them to be more independent.

 

Support worker sounds nice :).

 

19 hours ago, Talisman said:

It's been a busy one on the work front as we are nearing the end of the holiday year and everyone is busy using up their annual leave - including me. I am off to La Palma in the Canary Islands this Saturday for a week. It should be a good week as it coincides with the annual carnival - it might also be a bit noisy then. 

 

I wish you lots of fun with your holiday :)! I've been on holidays to Gran Canaria twice and loved it both times (I was a teenager).

 

19 hours ago, Talisman said:

Talking of noise, I spent another day with the protestors outside Parliament on Valentines Day for an event called Cake Not Hate. It was a brilliant day with like minded people (several hundred of us - you may have seen us on the Channel 4 news!) sharing stories and making friendships. I got to meet and have my picture taken with Mr Stop Brexit and saw the EU Super girl perform, which was great. Another March has been announced for the end of March which I have already signed up for and which I am busy making preparations - gold stars have been ordered to adorn my clothing, along with several colourful badges. 

 

Well done on you :).

 

19 hours ago, Talisman said:

Coran has not been too well of late - she has had a lot of personal stuff to deal with and as been missing her best friend Sarah who has been in training these past few weeks getting to know her new assistance dog. She is feeling better than she was, but is still quite low.   

 

Oh no, I hope she feels better soon :(.

 

3 hours ago, Madeleine said:

February always seem to fly past, I suppose being a short month makes a difference as well.  Easter still seems a long way off though!

 

I agree, February does seem to fly by past! I can hardly believe it's already the 19th.

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Well, I am not going to La Palma after all and upset is not the word. Corans depression is worse than either of us could have known, and on Tuesday I had to leave work early to take her to hospital. They referred her to the Community Psychiatric team who rang this afternoon with an appointment for Thursday next week. I had hoped following what happened on Tuesday that I may still be able to go, and went to work as usual on Wednesday, but when I got home Coran was if anything even worse. We agreed to sleep on it, although I don't think any of us got much and after a night of tossing and turning with many tears for both of us, I felt I had no option but to cancel the trip this morning and not go to work. I am lucky in some ways that my apartment host has refunded most of my stay, but the flight of course is not refundable. All I will get back there is the tax.

 

What I am left with now then is an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness that is very difficult to out into words. I know logically it was the right and the only thing to do in putting Coran first, but the fact that I have had to do this reinforces the view that my needs are less important than other peoples and that I am therefore by definition, not important as a person. I have been feeling like this for a while at work as well, as the new CEO is bringing in a lot of changes that will make it much more difficult for me and my staff to do our jobs, seemingly without thinking about the consequences and needless to say without consulting me either. This makes me feel extremely disrespected and under valued. This cancellation is then merely another symptom of those feelings that were already there and have been truth be told for most of my life. It seems like I am always having to put others first but when I need them no one is there for me. Most of my childhood was like this, and it continued more or less in every job I have ever had. Coran is about the only person in fact who hasn't done this, and I feel terrible about the fact that she is now having to deal with my stuff as well as her own. I have tried talking to my own Manager about how I feel but all he said was that people do respect and value the work that I do, and that he is sorry I feel that way. This isn't really an answer, or a solution. All of this makes me feel incredibly selfish that I am still trying to put myself first instead of thinking about Coran and what she is going through, which is the most intense anger and self hatred. I can't ignore my own reaction to this though or pretend I don't feel this way.

 

It is so very difficult to see the person you love going through this and knowing there is little you can do to help them. Corans sister did offer to let her stay with her and her husband for a week while their son is away, so I could still have my holiday, but I knew I would be worrying about her but it didn't seem right as Angela has her own health and family issues to deal with. She has just been told that her husband only has a few more years to live (he doesn't know this yet) because of emphysema. I couldn't then put more pressure on her. 

 

I just keep thinking about that lovely week that I should have had, in my little apartment by the sea, watching the carnival and enjoying the sunshine and lovely Spanish food and atmosphere. I don't know how I will eel on Saturday knowing that I should have been getting on that plane to have a week of warmth and relaxation instead of trooping around Sainsburys and cleaning the cats litter box. Life can be really crap at times.        

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I'm really sorry to hear that Talisman, it sounds like you really need a break too.  I think your work situation is probably quite common, and can sympathise with you as we're always getting asked to take on more work too and we're not always told exactly what we'll be doing, or if we even know how to do it, I think a lot of people are probably in similar situations at work - usual story, cut back staff etc. 

 

I hope Coran finds the right help soon, and the situation eases up for both of you. 

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I'm so sorry about Coran and you not feeling well. It is not a nice feeling when you feel you're always putting yourself second and others firstplace. I have felt this at times in my life as well. It's not nice of your CEO at work to not consider how you might feel about it. I do have the feeling that some businesses (in general) are rude to their workers (based on ie. Dutch news about certain companies and their practises).

 

I'm sorry Coran isn't doing well and that she needs you and so you had to cancel your holiday that you so badly needed. I hope you and her can find a way to be there for each other, because each of you needs the other. It is difficult when you need your partner but they aren't in a good state themselves and need you instead of them helping you. I struggle with this sometimes as both my partner and I have our disabilities and tirednesses, and sometimes I need my partner but he cannot be there for me because he is in a bad state himself. When he is in a bad state, I feel I usually put my own difficulties/issues aside and help him and be there for him. I know you and Coran love each other, so I think you'll make it through this. It's important to keep communicating and talking about things.

 

I think it's good you reached out to people - on FaceBook and here. I hope it helps you to talk with your friends. I'm sorry you feel disrespected and undervalued. I know you and I don't talk a lot anymore, but I want you to know I do appreciate you. Big hug :hug:. I hope things get better for you soon :empathy:. If it helps you, feel free to message me on here or on FaceBook and I'll try to get back to you when I can. I don't have a perfect solution for your situation unfortunately (I'd give it to you if I did!) but if you want a 'listening ear' or something like that I'm happy to help. I will keep you in my daily thoughts (my version of praying).

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@Talisman I'm so sorry. You are not selfish in the slightest, even your one post shows that you're thinking about Coran, Coran's sister and your colleagues at work. You lost the chance for both an exciting experience and a break, to be replaced with a situation that's very stressful and difficult to deal with, and nobody would blame you for being upset and angry about that. I've also been in a situation where someone I love very much was suffering with severe mental heath issues, and I found myself feeling angry and then crushingly guilty for feeling angry when it wasn't their fault it was happening. I think it's probably quite a common reaction. 

I also think it's really important not to feel guilty for taking your own needs into consideration though. You can't be there for other people if you're not taking care of yourself :empathy:

 

 

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I know all of this logically but it is so very difficult to put this into practise. I was back at work today and very up and down. It was not easy having to explain all of this to people, especially to the men I work with who are typical blokes who find it hard to talk about this stuff. I knew my own Manager wasn't in today, but when I came through the door this morning the CEO was there making her morning coffee and she asked me if I had had a nice day off! She obviously didn't know what had happened, but then, why should she? It's a good job in some ways that this happened the way it did, as I ended up blabbing all over her and it all came pouring out. We ended up in her office where we had a long chat and I put everything on the table. All the anger and frustration about everything that has happened in the last 6 months - most of which is down to poor communication. She comes across sometimes as quite prickly unapproachable but when you get her at the right moment she can be quite a good listener. She said some interesting things actually - like the fact that people love reading my emails, and that the reason why it seems I am not considered is to do with the fact that I am so good at my job that people trust that I will get things done and just work around everyone and everything. All of this is of course true, but what it also means is that people have got so used to the fact that I do that that they no longer feel that I have to be involved in decisions that affect my job. She is the worst culprit here - making the decision to move the largest department into the building where I am based which will mean an extra 40 or 50 people trooping in and out all day long between 7.30am and 9.30pm 7 days a week - which is the exact time that I start work and have to try and get everything done. She is also advertising to local groups to rent rooms out of hours which will make it almost impossible for us to clean at these times, quite apart from the fact that this other department will be there as well trying to work around us! I was not asked for my opinion on of this and when I tried to express this at the last employee forum it was not even put on the minutes. When I queried this not one person who was there at that meeting backed me up. It is then not surprising that I feel like this. 

 

As for Coran, like me she is also all over the place. She is feeling bad about how this has affected me and I am feeling bad about how it has affected her - here we are then doing this dance together. On the bright side, I managed to book us 2 nights in a hotel in Portsmouth for this weekend (Sunday/Monday), so at least that's something. It's not the break I was hoping for, which I still feel desperately sad about (I should have been packing my bag this evening), but at least its something.

 

I am still then going to take the week off, as I know I need it, and I have made arrangements for my staff to cover for me anyway, so it wouldn't be fair to cancel all their overtime. I must say that the one who has been at work this week has been brilliant with all of this - people ask me why I feel so passionately about Brexit and campaign and protest so strongly and vociferously about it all - he's one of  the reasons and I will do whatever I can to protect his rights to be here and do the fantastic work he does for me and in supporting his own family back home.  

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Hope you don't mind me jumping in here.

 

I've had the week off work this week, using up the last of my annual leave for the year (it runs from April to March) but have had a busy week so far.

 

I went shopping to a big outside retail park on Sunday and bought myself some new make up, foundation only though as I was running low, and then made a couple of unexpected purchases too. I'd been looking for a new leather handbag but in backpack style for what seems like forever and finally found one that I love. Its the right size (I need one fairly big as I take my lunch to work as well as my current read and like to get everything in to the one bag), with plenty of different pockets, it zips up and has wide straps. I love it! I also picked up the matching purse too. Then just as I was leaving the shop, right by the door I spotted a jacket I also fell in love with so ended up buying that too.

 

I then had an optician appointment on Tuesday as I was well overdue an eye test and although my prescription hasn't changed that much I decided to get new glasses anyway as my current pair are beginning to look a little battered and I like having a spare pair too just in case of emergencies, so that was another couple of hundred pound spent.

 

It's been an expensive week and not one book bought!

 

I don't really have any plans for the rest of the week or the weekend though so I'm planning on curling up and getting stuck in to some reading.

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It's nice you found some nice things while shopping :)!

 

I'm glad you got your eye test over with. I don't like doing those, I think I have to do mine in the summer. I hope you like your new glasses :).

 

My grandparents are coming over in the weekend, and then we'll have a nice meal together with them and with my parents (it'll be the six of us, my grandparents, my parents, my partner/boyfriend and I). They might spend the night too (in my parents' house). I've done some cleaning this morning and I spent some time with my mum before she had to leave for work.

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I don't mind anyone jumping in - this isn't my personal thread. :)

 

I am feeling a lot better than I was, although Corans anxiety is still quite high. The doctor has given her some new anti depressants, but they take a while to get into the system before you feel the effects.

 

We had a lovely few days in Portsmouth at the beginning of the week with the unseasonably warm weather. We stayed in a lovely hotel on the seafront opposite South Parade Pier and spent our time mostly just sitting on the beach talking and exploring the town. The highlight was probably going to see the Mary Rose at the historic dockyard - and of course the weather, which has since changed to more what is should be at this time of year.

 

On Wednesday, the last of the sunny days we took the opportunity go to up to London again to join the protestors outside Parliament. There was a large leave contingent  who kept marching up and down the road past where we were shouting insults at us. The traffic had stopped at that point due to a taxi protest in Parliament Square up the road, so we took advantage and went up to the square to stage our own version, walking all the way round and down past Parliament, which was brilliant. Sal Brinton from the House of Lords and Chairman of the Lib Dems stopped by for a chat which was nice. There was a bit of a shouting match earlier outside the main entrance to the House of Commons just in time for the 1pm news, when we were tipped off that Theresa May was about to leave. As she was driven through the gates she was greeted by the site of Mr Stop Brexit shouting just that at the top of his voice! You may have seen the ensuing stand off between the 2 sides on the Channel 4 news later on - I was among the crowd somewhere. It was another great day and probably the last chance I will get to join them now.

 

Yesterday Coran had her appointment with the Community Psychiatric Team for an assessment, which went well. She has to go back next week to complete the assessment as it went on longer than expected, but they should be able to help. The main problem is not being able to drive, which with the lack of public transport here and the fact that I have to go to work each day makes it very difficult for her. This is probably then the most pressing issue - to get on top of the anger that stops her from being able to do that.   

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