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      March Supporter Giveaway   03/02/2019

      So March has crept up on us and I'm thrilled to finally show you the GREAT (he he...) March giveaway!     This time we have a gorgeous print of The Great Gatsby's most famous line from thestorygift.co.uk AND a Great Gatsby tea from the Literary Tea Company! This particular tea is Peach Blossom (which sounds delicious and I kind of wish I could keep it myself...) and the tin features another Gatsby quote.  If you'd like to see the other literary teas available (there are lots, I spent ages looking) you can find them both at the Literary Tea Company's etsy store (https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/LiteraryTeaCompany) or at their own website, theliteraryteacompany.co.uk .   As always, supporters are automatically entered into the giveaway and if you're not a supporter but want to be included in this months giveaway you can become a supporter on patreon here... https://www.patreon.com/bookclubforum .   A winner will be chosen at random on the last day of the month. Good luck!  
itsmeagain

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making clacking noises.

'If you don't mind, Jim, I'm waiting for friends to join me. They've just gotten married and they won't appreciate some old geezer in dire need of a bath, spitting crisps all over them! So if you could just push off, I'd be eternally grateful.'

Jim spied a buxom wench across the bar, 'Oh well, every cloud has a stiff upper lip,' he muttered, and made a beeline ...

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for Julie Mustard, 32, a sales rep from Aldwych, on a day trip to Salisbury.

After plonking crisps and lemonade in front of her, didn't work, Jim was leaving the Black Goose in a huff.

'Oooh sorry codger', said  Bert, breathing heavily, "only me and the missus are looking for Debs Drizzle. We spent ages chatting up two gals with mousy hair in the hope of free drinks, and they just poured lemonade over me. Then the missus said we're in the wrong boozer. It's...

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nearly closing time, so we've probably lucked out. What a waste! We could've been  'ome, feet up, knockin' back a few bevies, watching Coro.'

'She's over there, mate. Good luck with that, she's nothing but a stingy, stuck-up old ...

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bag.'

'Dont talk about her like that. We girls has to stick together like glue, as men always thwart us. An' if yer think I am jesting, read Andrea Dworkin or any other feminist. Patriarchy is a bag of spanners' declared Cicely, waving to a bemused Debs, who didn't know her from Adam.

'Mine's a pina please Debra'  , she said, forgetting to say.. 

Edited by itsmeagain

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who she was.

Debbie was so impressed with Cicely's radical feminism she immediately ordered her a pina colada and patted the seat beside her.

'Tell me more, Cicely. Especially the bit about patriachs being a bag of spanners. I've got no time for men myself, a waste of space, breathing perfectly good oxygen that a microbe could more productively use.'

'Hoy! That's a bit steep!' declared Bert indignantly.  'And how about that ...

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free pina coladas that your mates the Wilberforces, promised us.

Pat and Willy you allegedly told them you will supply us with free sherry all evening, and..'

When Debs rang Pat, the answerphone message was laughing, coarse, and joyous.

She hung up.

Willy's answerphone had a message by Pat, saying 'betrayers will be betrayed themselves,', again the harsh merriment to end the message.

'Well ok what are you both drinking?'

'Woman I've already told you I need a pina right now. Why do women...

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never listen!'

'Keep a civil tongue in your mouth and make up your mind. Is it a sherry or a pina you're after? I'm only doing this because Cicely is such a fascinating lady who talks a lot of sense. You can buzz off whenever you like. Now what were you saying about ...

 

 

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men, my dear sis.

Cic the sis, now that's a good title.'

"Andrea Dworkin explained it thus..the patriarchy has got it sorted. When women appear, they are degraded by men. In Africa they

Edited by itsmeagain

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expect the women to do all the hard work. While they carry great loads on their heads, do all the cooking, child-raising, washing etc,  the men ponce round in their tiny loincloths merely carrying a featherweight arrow!'

'I've 'eard enough of this rubbish,' said Bert, sculling his drink. 'I'm outer 'ere. You wimmen liberationists make me sick. You eiver come 'ome wif me now Cic or you can ...

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stay with her. My mate Alf said wimmins libbers are gay and I don't go in bed with them..I prefer proper meaty women.'And at that, he walked out of the pub.

'You see there's the problem.

These men' said Cicely, ' good for one thing only.'

'Oh I would not know, never been that lucky, but anyhow women

Edited by itsmeagain

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need to stick together, show solidarity in the face of rampant discrimination and sexism.  A new world order, that's what we need. Women in control, turn the tables on all those chauvinistic pigs.  Down with the capitalist society that discriminates against us!  We've been the victims of oppression since the dawn of time. ... but the worm has turned!'

Cicely's mind had begun to wander, she was thinking about her warm bed and her usual nightcap of hot chocolate laced with a generous slug of Irish Cream, 'So which worm is this, then?'

 

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'oh stop being silly. What are you drinking?' 

Several hours later, Ellie Scissorhands, 23, was in her salon waiting for Debs to arrive for her perm.

'Hello love it's just Ellie from your local hairdresser. You were due for a perm thirteen minutes ago, just wondering if you're on your way.'

'Oh yes I am going to be there very soon. I have...

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n't been to bed yet, got a bit waylaid at the Black Goose ... but I'm on my way.'

'Ooooo .... that sounds FAScinating! Tell all when you get here.'

'Gotta go Cic, prior appointment. Thanks for the drinks ...see ya.'

And that was the last time ...

Edited by poppy

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or even 'see you Cic, good luck with the feminist speeching, as I've a hair appointment now to make me look attractive' , declared Debs.

It was the last time she would see Cicely, and Debs was determined to have a great night tonight.

She asked Ellie Scissorhands for the usual, a blonde dyed perm, and she regaled the general public in the salon, with tales of women around the world.

'And listen Ellie, she informed me that in Ethiopia the men sleep in loin cloths while women wash and cook. The lazy.....

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sons of beeps! I've half a mind to go over there and let them have it!'

The other customers were by this time rolling their eyes and one suggested sotto voce that they should have a quick whip around and send her on her way. Unfortunately, a dye and perm took quite some time, so Debbie had plenty of opportunity to further her monologue concerning all things misogynist. As it was a unisex salon ...

 

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, Mr  Andy Helper, 43, was sat reading the Daily Telegraph home news, when he thought he detected reverse sexism in Debs' speech.

'So lady do inform the audience, how do you suppose the world is going to advance? Men do a great job of protection of women. In 1984,

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... But before he could continue his discourse, there came a howl of objection from the ladies present. Because, although they all felt Debbie was a pain in the fundament with her radical feminist views and they were all quietly rather fond of their menfolk, there was no way any ...

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were willing to listen to political rowing in their favourite hair salon. What was the world coming to when you can't get a dye and from without being subjected to philosophy and politics combined?

Sue Giveaway, 54, piped up.

'Can we have some shush it's only afternoon and I already.....

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feel a nervous twitch coming on. Can't we just go back to our usual gossip session? Has anyone one heard the latest about her at 28 Twiddle Lane? Apparently, last night ...

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she had 4 men all at once...'

A sigh, a couple of whistles, a lot of alert ears, greeted the news from Mrs Giveaway.

'...to change a towel rail in her bathroom.'

A roar of merriment went up, joined in by both Debbie and Andy Helper.

'Sweet lass she is though bless her  .We call her young Sophie , plays football for Frogface Girls Junior team.

Twenty next April she.....'

Hearing her own name from a position in the salon rest area, Sophie Gargoyle, 19, decided

 

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to set the record right regarding her bathroom handymen.

'It weren't four putting up me towel rail, no,  it was five of 'em. Useless lot they were too, all arguing about how to do it. It's one of 'em new heated arrangements and they damn near blew up all the electrics in the 'ouse, wiring it up, like. Blew the fuses with a terrific bang. Poor old Ernie Clapshaw next door nearly had one of 'is nasty turns! And the things 'ung up so damned crooked, me towels all slide off. Which is quite lucky like in the circumstances, 'cause ...

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at least if my brother Dwayne comes over he likes to pick a towel off the floor so may as well help him. I mean I says to him I says Dwayne, you need to be more careful in that bathroom...'

'Oh Hiya love..what a small world..and how are you my darling, I....

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thought I might go to yours and fix up that towel rail those cowboys put up for you.'

'Awww ... thanks hun. Hey, could you take a butcher's 'ook at the electrics while you's at it? Me towel rail seems to be getting hot something awful. It's nice and toasty in the bathroom now. Do you think they might 'ave got mixed up, like, and put in a ...

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toaster or summink? Dozy these workmen are. So go on Sue, here's my keys. And do mind the cats, Suki likes fish and giblets at 7pm , she's the ginger tabby. I finish cutting hair at 6, so when you've fixed my towel rail then please come back to me.'

'Lovely bubbly. I will go and attend..Mrs Giveaway to the rescue.'

On leaving the salon, Mrs Giveaway realised she hadn't had her perm and dye.

'Love I forgot me treatment. Have you any chance of doing it?'.....

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'Course I can, luv. You fix me towel rail for me and I'll give you one on the 'ouse. 'ow long do you think it'll take you, like?'

'Couple o' hours, outside.'

'Righto, just sling me a text when you're finished like and I'll squeeze you in. Only got old Mrs Battersby, her from number 16, in this afternoon and she's blind as a bat, she'll never notice if ...

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