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itsmeagain

Continue the Story game 4,

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'You can't tell that story, Barry!' interrupted Willy, horrified.

'How about the one about the time me and you and Candy and Kiki went round the back of the band stand and ...'

'NO, Barry! Just make the toast!'

'Well, the reminiscences will have to wait until later, fellow revellers.  For now, please raise your glasses for a toast to wives and sweethearts. May they never meet!' And Barry gave a great guffaw and leered at Debbie, who was eyeing him through her pince nez with barely concealed ...

Edited by poppy

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loathing. A loathing mixed with wonder at the amount of sherry the greasy buffoon could swallow. How offensive this man was, not like Michael Jackson, yes THE Michael Jackson, he of the singing fraternity. Debbie often dreamed of  Michael offering her candy. Oh how she wished she'd posted the marriage proposal to the MJ fanclub. 

Barry stuffed a chicken leg into 

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his pants pocket for later. He didn't imagine his wife Laura would be in the sunniest of moods after he'd left her behind and she'd missed the wedding. She probably wouldn't be providing supper tonight.  Little did he know that she'd found the incriminating note on the floor and was at this very moment planning ...

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the inquest. 

Oblivious, Barry sank another few sherries. 

When Barry had passed Willy the ring, Willy had thought it looked a bit unlike the one last handed to Barry Jelly. 

Pat, lager in hand, said 'nice 💍 ring, but it is much yellower than it used to be.. Oh on the bottom it says Cheap rings of Barnsley', and at that..... 

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she lost the plot. It had rained on her wedding day; Debbie had proved to be a right prima donna, trying to upstage Pat at every turn; the best man had been late by an hour and came dressed looking like he'd just done a double shift at a fish and chip shop; her mother had had hysterics and had to carted off to the vestry for a valium and a lie down; some weirdo had embarrassed everyone at the church by claiming undying love for Willy; Barry had been sharing bawdy and embarrassing reminisces, and she now discovers her wedding ring was a fake!

Usually a patient girl, with a good sense of humour, this was ...

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enough to test the patience of a Saint, and Patricia was no saint. 

'I gave the ring to Barry for safekeeping.. I am unsure what....' 

Calling everyone to order, which took half an hour, through beer fuelled laughter and conjecture, Pat said 'Now, public announcement 📢 please. Barry Ignatius Jelly was our best man. I want

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you to take a good, long, hard look at him because tonight, with a bit of help from me, he will shuffle off this mortal coil! This is the last time we will have to put up with his insufferable behavior!'

Barry gave a cross between a hiccup and a burp and tried to focus on Pat. 'Whattaya mean by that, Pattsie Wattsie?'

'What I mean, precisely,  Barry Ignoramus Jelly is that ...

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my husband gave you a ring and you bought a ring in Barnsley. That in itself is damning enough, but you replaced the real original with garbage. '

' Now let's be fair. I looked after it and my missus she took  it to the laundry and they crushed it. It's here', 

and at that he.... 

Edited by itsmeagain

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extracted a mangled and mutilated lump of metal from his pocket. Unbeknownst to him, something else fell out of his pocket and ...

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for the second time in a few hours, Bazza Jelly left problematic evidence on the floor. 

The receipt, titled 'knock off jewellery of Barnsley', showed that a fiver was what Bazza had paid for the new ring. Sliding it deftly into his pocket, Simon Schuster, 25, perused the pickles and chatted about hors d'oeuvres with Beatrice Clogger from Hemel, who quaintly 

Edited by itsmeagain

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simpered and said she never ate pickles as they didn't agree with her. It was her sensitive stomach, you know, she'd been a martyr to it ever since she was a baby. Her poor mother had spent a fortune, simply a fortune, you know, on gripe water. All to no avail. The only thing she'd found of any help whatsoever was sticking soley to a diet of pureed baby food and ...

 

(the names you come up with Sean!! :rolol:)

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rarefied spring water. Naturally that could be overruled when at a wedding, she said as she quaffed a third whisky. 

Back at home, Laura Jelly decided she would make an appearance at the wedding after all. An hour later, she arrived. 

Sat in a corner, asleep, was Barry Jelly. 

Ordering a bucket of ice water, Laura 

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charged towards Barry like a particularly irate warthog. Unfortunately, high heels, loose mats, buckets of water and rapid navigation are a recipe for accident compensation claims and Laura would soon ...

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wish she had got the right person

Twenty year old  Morgan  Cadence   and his girlfriend, Joanna Notherthing,  had their evening destroyed by a bucket  of ice water being hurled over them, causing mayhem in the hall. 

'Laura sit down', said Barry, 

Edited by itsmeagain

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you're making a spectacle of yourself, as usual. You're an embarrassment to be seen with in public.'

'An embarrassment to be seen with in public! Me!! You ...You... imbecile you! If someone wanted to commit suicide thay could jump on your ego and fall to your IQ. You're a lowdown, cheating, lying, two-timing son of a ...'

'THAT'S ENOUGH! You two have single handedly ruined what's supposed to be the best day of my life. Get out now!' screeched Patricia, her normally placid disposition tried beyond the limits of endurance.

And so ...

 

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out ambled a somewhat slootered Barry, followed by an irate Laura😗.

'Conducives are off the agenda, you can look at my fashion catalogue for your thrills', declared Laura, as she closed the bedroom door and went on Facebook.

'Women, whoever made them, if God or man, was an idiot. I don't care about conducive rights, mine went...    

Edited by itsmeagain

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west years ago. Can't live with 'em, can't poke 'em in the eye with a fork.' And with that gloomy thought, Barry settled himself on the lumpy couch, his usual port of call when he was in the dog box, which was the majority of the time. Having consumed the better part of a jeroboam of bubbly, it wasn't long before ...

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he was mouth open on the settee, prone, on his back, snoring ferociously.

Celia Rhythmquick, 54, was making her customary 1@m cocoa, when the rumbling from next door led her to believe the weather had changed.

'Oooh Billy it's thundering, can't believe it as it were snowing yesterday'.

She put two spoons of sugar into the mug of sweet black chocolate.

A loud rasping noise. ..

Edited by itsmeagain

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followed by a gurgling and choking gave Celia pause.

'Oooh our Billy, I don't think that there's thunder at all, I think it's coming from them lot next door. Do you think it might be a murdersome burglar strangulating Laura? I might just go and take a peek through the window.'

'Well, be careful, our Celia, there's some germicidal manikans lurking the alleys at this time of night,' but he didn't offer to go with her.

She crept stealthily up to the window and peering in, nearly gasped out loud. There was Barry tied to the couch and Laura had a pillow clamped over his mouth.

She was shouting, 'This is the last time you'll ...

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ever do that. You naughty naughty boy'.

Running back to the ranch, Celia alerted Billy to the events going on.

'Bill she's engaged in one of these bonding games she's got one o them pillows, ropes etc and calling him naughty.'

Within 38 seconds, Billy was at the window.

Thirty seconds later Laura threw a bucket of cold water over Billy.

'You peeping Tom, you dirty rat', she said, as

 

'

Edited by itsmeagain

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she slammed the window shut on the startled Billy. It was only his lightening reflexes that prevented his rather large nose getting squashed in the crashing window sash. Laura flung the curtains shut and sat down breathing heavily.

'Damn, damn and double damn! Thwarted again!' She'd had every intention of ...

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perhaps hospitalising her dozy husband, but, as she was running at Billy, Barry made himself scarce, ensconcing himself in the sanctuary of the garden shed.

He sighed after locking the door, flopping down on the mattress there, and immediately shaking the back garden to its foundations with the noise. 

Laura went to bed, thinking of the chat she needed about 'Evie' and her 'thank you for last night.'

Next door, Celia asked what had happened.

'The woman next door threw iced water over me and.....

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tried to jam my head in the window! She's got a screw loose, that one. Lost her marbles.'

'What's she doing playing marbles, our Billy? Bit old for that, in't she?'

Before Billy could explain further, a strong smell of smoke spread through the room. Looking out the window again they saw ...

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six inches long and smelled as if someone had taken some particularly odoriferous camel dung and set fire to it.

'Hey, mate!' called Billy, lifting up the window, 'can we help you? But would you mind putting that thing out. It's setting off the smoke detectors and the missus is having an asthma attack.'

The stinky smoke man blew a cloud into Billy's face then leaned back and casually blew smoke rings.

Billy, normally a man of infinite patience, had just about had enough. Abused by his neighbour and doused in icy water and now this pestilence! It was time to ...

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