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      March Supporter Giveaway   03/02/2019

      So March has crept up on us and I'm thrilled to finally show you the GREAT (he he...) March giveaway!     This time we have a gorgeous print of The Great Gatsby's most famous line from thestorygift.co.uk AND a Great Gatsby tea from the Literary Tea Company! This particular tea is Peach Blossom (which sounds delicious and I kind of wish I could keep it myself...) and the tin features another Gatsby quote.  If you'd like to see the other literary teas available (there are lots, I spent ages looking) you can find them both at the Literary Tea Company's etsy store (https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/LiteraryTeaCompany) or at their own website, theliteraryteacompany.co.uk .   As always, supporters are automatically entered into the giveaway and if you're not a supporter but want to be included in this months giveaway you can become a supporter on patreon here... https://www.patreon.com/bookclubforum .   A winner will be chosen at random on the last day of the month. Good luck!  
itsmeagain

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uglier than a bucket full o' spanners, he is.'

'Weel, ah think he's quite guid look ...' and Agoraphobia stopped suddenly realising she'd just put her foot in it.

'Ah didnae think ye knew him, Agoraphobia,' taunted Rena, who had a mind like a steel trap.

Agoraphobia blushed and stuttered ...

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'....@ye, ye're right, it was anotherrr guy right enough. '

After she ended her call, she began searching Google for Joe McCarrot.

There was a J McCarrot in Glasgow; when she rang it was a Josie who was no help at all.

'You know, this could be the cure of ma agoraphobia' , mused Agoraphobia Belle silently.

At that, she peeped out the front door.

It was a grey dreary January day, cool and silent.

Tiptoeing, she walked like a mouse, down to her local shopping mall. 

 

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Mustering up all her courage she scuttled into the mall, ordered herself a bowl of coffee at The Busy Bean and sat slowly sipping, in a corner by the window. From her vantage spot, she had a good view of the comings and goings and hoped beyond hope that she might catch a glimpse of the object of her infatuation. Nobody had ever called her a 'beautiful darlin' before, her attributes were well hidden behind thick horn rimmed glasses and a figure that bore more resemblance to an 'l' than an '8'. She had fallen instantly and hopelessly in love. As luck would have it, Joe actually worked in the mall. He was a ...

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security man for Freebie and Cheapskate, a pound shop chain whose owner, Mick McRobbery, was one of the best employers in Clackyerheels.

Doing his checks this Friday morning, he began musing about ladies in general.

It was unlikely he'd ever see Agoraphobia Belle again, after all, her old da was mental so....He liked the look of Susie Suckerpunch, the proprietor of a sweet shop whose motto, emblazoned in neon sticks of sweet rock candy, was suck it and see.

Indeed I will, he thought, as he simpered by, scraggy red hair adorning shoulders just 9 inches across.

So much.....

Edited by itsmeagain

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for her, he decided, after spending half his pay on all-day suckers, only to be given the cold shoulder when he ...

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asked, 'can I offerrrrr you a wee dram tonight?'

Strolling down to get a sausage roll at Gregg's, he felt a pair of eyes following him.

'Och it's niverrrr family maintenance looking for missing payments is it?', he thought, shuffling... 

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nervously. Paternity had never been proven in the several maintenance claims against him, but there was always that chance. However, today he was safe from fresh demands and the watchful eyes turned out to be none other than ...

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the lovely young lady from McSpudfry's venture, A Lovely Pear.

Och aaah really must stawp thinking they worrrds, it makes me thenk of something else an' really aah ought nawt, thought Joe.

'Och, hi darrrrling. .. wit's yerrrr name again?'

'Agoraphobia, same as it's always been, aye ', she said.

'Aaah'm worrrkin til three, then me and ye arrrre awf tae the picturrres', declared Joe, 

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very cockily.

Agoraphobia was used to a very dominating father so she didn't find anything untoward in Joe's presumption. However, before she could answer, who should plonk herself down in a chair beside Agoraphobia but her good friend Rena.

'Hiya, Aggie!  That's gey brave o' ye to be oot in th' big wide world ! But whits this dafty daein' here?'

'Weel, he's just asked ... tellt me, rather ...we're aff tae th' pictures th' nicht.'

'Tellt you?' said Rena indignantly. 'He tellt you!!'

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'Awch , it wasnae like that really, all aaah aaasked is whether the young lady wid like tae see a film, eff nawt, then so be et', and he waited.

Agoraphobia said she wanted to see Mary Queen of Scots.

'Aye right enough, it's a terrific account of ourrrr verry own heritage.   so wit dae you say?', asked Joe, his scrawny face hopeful of ......

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a positive answer.

'Ah'll come too,' declared Rena. She didn't trust Joe to keep his hands to himself or deliver Agoraphobia home in one piece.

Joe looked rather peeved but Agoraphobia breathed a sigh of relief. She'd never been on a date before and this way she could tell her father she was going out with Rena and meet Joe there. Her father would be surprised as she never went out if she could help it, but would view it as encouraging progress.

Aggie went home to find her prettiest dress and even went as far as ...

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putting a red polka dotted ribbon in her curly brown hair.

By her side, Rena was expressing opinions about men, saying they are after just one thing and always selfish too.

Off they went, to Poltroon cinema over in Ochyou'remucky, and, waiting for Joe, they noticed a large lady buying......

 

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packets and packets of aniseed balls.

'Cud ah have some of them, dae ye think?' asked Aggie.

'Yer wish is ma command, mah dear,'  said Joe.

'Smarmy creep,' thought Rena.

Entering the theatre, Rena made sure she sat between the other two, just in case ...

 

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there was some funny business from Mr McCarrot.

Frustrated by that, Joe began sighing and tutting.

During a quiet moment in the film, heads turned as a chorus of 'lonely man, lonely am  I.

All talk of love is just pie in the sky.'

'Shhhhhhhhhhhh' demanded the audience, rapt in their attention to Saoirse Ronan in the lead role.

'Now ahhh neverrrrrr

 

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ken the reason why,

Ah think ah'll juist lay me doon 'n' ...'

At that point, Rena gave him an almighty thump and we'll never know what he was about to do after he laid himself 'doon' because Aggie, trying to stifle a fit of the giigles with her hand, forgot she was holding an open box of aniseed balls and next minute ...

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the entire cinema was in meltdown, aniseed gobstoppers rolled amok down the aisle, and the usher, a Glenda McStrictly, switched on the lights and off with the film.'Ye'll pay ferrrr this you big oaf', declared Matty McThumpme, 43, from  Suckyerrlolly, a village near Airdrie, as he ran at Joe, who ran so fast he .. .

Edited by itsmeagain

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wouldn't have been caught by a particularly fit Pronghorn antelope. The stars fell out of Aggies eyes with equal rapidity. 'What a wimp!' she thought, or more accurately, 'Whit a jessie!' Joe was seen no more.

After Glenda directed the film goers to pick up all the aniseeed balls and everyone had settled down again, the lights were dimmed once more and the film restarted.

Ginger McNutty, pony-tailed and smelling sweetly of  chocolate chip cookies, and arriving late from his job at the biscuit factory, slipped quietly into the seat beside Aggie, passing her a box of popcorn.

He whispered ...

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'Now don't look at  meh, sweet darrrrling, but did ye ken that gingerrr guys are nicerrrr than blondes, you know how it es....aah kin definitely say that this is a grrrreaaat wee drama, es it nawt?...@w thess.......

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whit ah lik' tae ca' 'hysterical' movies ur th' best!'

Aggie giggled, and whispered, 'Ah completely agree. Especially aboot th' ginger lads.'

He reached for her hand and no amount of dirty looks from Rena ...

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were about to prevent Ginger and Aggie getting better acquainted.

'Aaah neverr did see a thing like et', hissed Rena, ' mah friend gettin' familiarrr with a ruffian from some terraced house when. . 

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he could hae had me!'

Foiled in her attempts to keep Aggie from ever getting aquainted with the opposite sex, and beaten in the boyfriend stakes, she ...

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showed a petty streak, whispering to the gingerr wonderrr,

"Hey laddie, she's a wee touch semple, this gerral, it's very sad, but aaah'm her friend and confident confidante, did ye knae she's gawt fleas? Herrr house es swarrrmin' with cats, and ..

Edited by itsmeagain

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ah think they've git mange 'n' ringworm as weel. Nae tae mention none o' thaim ur hoose trained. Aggie's kind o' git that reek aboot her, dinnae ye think?'

Ginger scowled, 'Whit kind o' friend dae ye call yersel'? Ye'r nothing but a ...

 

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ratbag, de ye know that?'

Aggie munched sweet popcorn and it was minutes later that a booming American voice announced

'Dear customers of Ochyou'remucky cinema complex, we are interrupting this film to let you know that.....

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we have a slight problem with a very small fire. Please calmly leave the theatre and do not pan..'

But the rest of his sentence couldn't be heard above the screams and general stampede to the exits. Rena could be seen pushing and shoving and practically climbing over fellow theatre goers. Aggie, for all her fear of the great outdoors, was very level-headed in other situations. Ginger looked equally unfazed.

'Shall we just run away and elope?' asked Ginger.

'I thought you'd never ask,' grinned Aggie.

So they did.

The End

Edited by poppy

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