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itsmeagain

Continue the Story game 4,

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despite the inclement weather, Winston W. Wilberforce (known to his friends as Willy) was feeling surprisingly bright eyed and bushy tailed. Yes, today was the day he was going to ...

Edited by poppy

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get married. His betrothed, Patricia Mildew,  was eating cornflakes and admiring her dress in the far mirror. 

Her friend Debbie Dring, rang and asked  if  Pat had read the news regarding the faulty traffic 🚥 lights down Crucible Street. 

Vortex Terrace was where the wedding was taking place, a street away from the rapidly blinking red. 

'No not read it, I 

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refuse to dwell on anything negative today. Today is MY day and it's going to be perfect. We'll just have to go the other way.'

'You do know it's raining cats and dogs out there, don't you?' asked Debbie, ever the pessimist and secretly rather jealous of Patricia who had bagged a husband whilst she hadn't even got out the starting gate with anyone of the opposite sex. This may have had something to do with the fact that she ...

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weighed just six stone wet through, was possessed of a pair of pince nez, together with a string, and she was unpleasant on the eye. In addition she adhered to.... 

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the belief that if a man dated her, he must be prepared to marry her. Since no-one had ever asked her for a date as yet, she hadn't been able to put this theory into practice. Of an equally unattractive nature was Willy's best man, Barry Jelly. Quite the opposite to Debbie in the dimension department, he looked like someone had forgotten to say 'when' with the tyre inflator, but quite similar as far as ...

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the charisma department is concerned. 

Essentially, he was a charisma and charm free zone. When Willy texted him on the wedding day he grunted angrily and texted back, 'bloody Nora it's only ten o'clock leave me alone.' 

Given the wedding being due to start at 2pm, Willy 

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and you live 3 hours away, don't you think it's time you made a start? We don't want to keep my lovely wife-to-be waiting now, do we?'

Barry muttered something unintelligible which sounded suspiciously unflattering about the lovely wife-to-be.

'I can't wait for you to meet Pat's bridesmaid, I think you'll hit it off brilliantly.'

'Rich is she?'

'Well, quite rich and she ...

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serves up good Yorkshire pudding. Only last autumn she made beef balls with potato soup and a tamarind sauce, followed by a gherkin 🥒 soufflé, a lemon pie and chocolate cake. It's a... 

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gourmet's gastronomic paradise. Anyway, Barry, do you think you could get a wriggle on? I can't go marrying Pat without a ring! You HAVE still got the ring in a safe place, haven't you, Barry!'

'Don't panic, Willy, everything's under control. I put it in ...

'

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the inside pocket of me best yellow corduroy jacket., '

Barry Jelly shook with fear as he recalled that his wife Laura had taken the yellow jacket to the dry cleaners. 

He didn't mention the fact to  his friend, he instead rang his wife but she was getting her hair washed at Lisa's Antique and hair Department, in downtown Salisbury. 

She could not be bothered answering the phone, why her head was a mass of suds, never..... 

 

Edited by itsmeagain

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keen to hear from her husband at the best of times, she'd given him a unique ring tone so she could ignore him.

Although Barry's wife, Sybil,  had been invited to the wedding, Barry was hoping there'd be an opportunity during the festivites for a little hanky-panky with the imagined delectable Debbie. However, given Debbie's belief that there would be no hanky-panky before, or indeed after, marriage, there was little ...

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likelihood of that happening. His wife, Laura, (not Sybil 😂), was planning on dancing with her husband and drinking free Peroni in the evening disco. 

Where is the wretched ring? 

Soon the living room in the Jelly household, was littered with cigarette box fragments, biscuit 🍪 crumbs, coins, tax letters, and one note which fell off the table onto the floor, a yellow note. 

It read 'dearest  Bazza, oh you cheeky boy.. Thank you for last night. Evie.'

He forgot all about it, looking for the number of his sister Elsie, as she had a number for  Laura:s  sister Francine, who

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seemed to have some divine direct line to Laura.  On gaining Francine's number from Elsie, she begrudgingly agreed to ring Laura since it was an emergency. 'Just this once, mind, you know how Laura hates being interrupted when she's getting all titivated up!'

'Getting all WHAT up??'

'You know, all ...

 

 

 

Quote

Laura, (not Sybil 😂)

 

:rolol: sorry! Inadequate attention to detail!! :giggle2:

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titivated up, hair and all that. '

' Oh I see. Well Elsie, ring  Francine and tell her 

I need Laura as the ring is missing and I need to ring the dry cleaners.' 

Roderick  Aznavour,  head of staff at Scrubby Dry Cleaners,  said' a yellow corduroy pair of trousers? Height of fashion. Well we will look. Oh yes. Mr Jelly. Trousers 👖 are ready. A squashed golden ring is in the back pocket. Sorry pal. '

In a panic, Barry Jelly went  and rang Sid Custard, gaffer at Diamond Street Jewellery. 

' Cheapest rings for a man are 40 quid. '

An hour later Barry telephoned 📞 Willy. 

' Am ready. Got ring. '

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'Well get your butt down here pronto! The weddings due to start in a couple of hours, you better drive like a bat out of hell. Come straight to the Church vestry, I'll have your suit and buttonhole ready wating for you. Don't be late!'

'Right you are, mate, I'm on my way!'

Barry had one final ...

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drag upon his 11th roll up of the day, ran a comb through his hair, promised himself a bath on return, and drove the Mini down to the church. 

Having finally got to..... 

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St Bartholomew's-on-Bogley-Bottom, he spied Patricia in the wedding car slowly circling the church and she seemed to be saying something very forcibly, with much gesticulation.  Willy stood outside, wringing his hands. He looked like he'd been tearing his hair out because it was all standing up in different directions.

Barry trotted up to the church, 'Sorry mate, spot of bother with the old banger. Carburettor trouble, I fear.'

'Never mind that now! Everyone's just about to leave, they're sick of waiting. And Pat's fit to be tied! Quick, inside and ...

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try to look concerned and respectable. Pat's parents Ena and Eddie, are apoplectic because of you. '

' Oh the worst man is here', said a voice in the corner. Undeterred, Barry Jelly shook hands with 200 @ngry guests and the show got on the road.

A lone bugler  in a pink and tan kilt, struck up a rousing rendition of Abba's ' Does your momma know that you're out? ' and then the vicar read

Edited by itsmeagain

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the marriage ceremony. Betsy, the little flowergirl, giggled uncontrollably and Ernie, the  page, fidgeted and scratched his way through the service and had to be given a swat round the ear to make him stop. Debbie glared over the top of her pince nez at Betsy, which proved ineffective so instead gave her a sharp pinch, after which Betsy snivelled and sniffed noisily. When the vicar came to the part about anyone knowing of any lawful impediment, someone loudly cleared their throat at the back of the church. They pushed their way past everyone seated in the pew and standing legs astride, hands on hips in the middle of the aisle, loudly proclaimed, 'Actually, ...

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I hope nobody finds it repulsive, but I.. am a secret.. admirer.. of Willy. Yes, we go back a long way, ever since we were a bit of a comedy act at school. I am here to declare that I, Claudius Mick Stevens, am in love with you mate. Willy will you marry me? '

' Get down.. I, Barry Jelly, am best man and the likes of you are not.... '

'Don't go all church of England with me Mr Blancmange.. '

' It's Jelly. Barry Jelly.. I

Edited by itsmeagain

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'Gentlemen! Gentlemen! This is a house of worship, not some bar brawl! Being in love with the groom is no grounds for lawful impediment. Please cease and desist your highly objectional interruption and vacate the premises immediately!'

'Willy! Don't do it! You know it's always been me, only me you ...'

Several of Willy's mates tackled Claud and dragged him sobbing from the church.

Pat's Mum was now having a fit of the vapours and Great Aunt Murgatroyd was ...

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trembling, her left eyelid flickering rapidly, a tear descending from her right. 'Well it's all coming to something when men are wanting to marry yer own niece's beloved. Ooooooooh my God'. 

Vicar Paulus St Paul resumed the service, all the assembled wailing, and Pat herself declared that 

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this was probably the most vexatious, although at the same time the most riveting, day of her life. If life with Willy was going to be anything like her wedding day, she thought, it was certainly going to prove ...

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eventful. 

Barry Jelly stood by Willy, and he was urged to speak. Clutching his fourth sherry, he said, 'well and you all know that his mate HiClaudius, wants to marry him. But do you know what he is like to grow up with? Well now our school was sat upon a hill and we used to toboggan down the snow drifts during what ought to have been a maths class. Fiona  Firm, a girl in our art group, used to.... 

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