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      March Supporter Giveaway   03/02/2019

      So March has crept up on us and I'm thrilled to finally show you the GREAT (he he...) March giveaway!     This time we have a gorgeous print of The Great Gatsby's most famous line from thestorygift.co.uk AND a Great Gatsby tea from the Literary Tea Company! This particular tea is Peach Blossom (which sounds delicious and I kind of wish I could keep it myself...) and the tin features another Gatsby quote.  If you'd like to see the other literary teas available (there are lots, I spent ages looking) you can find them both at the Literary Tea Company's etsy store (https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/LiteraryTeaCompany) or at their own website, theliteraryteacompany.co.uk .   As always, supporters are automatically entered into the giveaway and if you're not a supporter but want to be included in this months giveaway you can become a supporter on patreon here... https://www.patreon.com/bookclubforum .   A winner will be chosen at random on the last day of the month. Good luck!  
itsmeagain

Continue the story game 3.

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'Can I confirm?? CAN I CONFIRM?? YOU BET YOUR GREAT HAIRY KNEECAPS I CAN CONFIRM!!' and David grabbed Martin by the ...

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bath towel and shook it limply,  like as if he was a puppy tapping a leaf in a park. 

"I will tell you my neighbour, that I want you to go and switch off the taps in your flat, or what remains of it. Then take your stinking bath and put it in the nearest bin. I am having 🇫🇷..... Fren..." 

"Mais out,  you home terrible.. I was juste telling ze man about ze French letteur when ze ceiling caved.." 

"Now wait a while chaps  and chapettes, isn't it time that we sorted it all out convivially?  Curmudgeonly is the name but let's not get nasty about that. Snoring 😴 is a scourge of.... 

Edited by itsmeagain

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'Shut it!' 'Tassez vous' barked David and Solange in unison.

'Well, that's a fine howdy-do-dee! A fellow's just trying to bring a little 'entente cordiale' to a sticky situation and you bite his ruddy head off!' But he didn't seem in any hurry to leave, things were far too entertaining for that.

'If you chaps would give me a bit of a hand in clearing up my flat,' said Martin, 'I'd be frightfully grateful. Shouldn't take more than a few hours.' There was a long silence, followed by ...

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the re arrival of Edith Stribble, who had asked Martin to have a shower. 

"Young man, what a fool you seem. 

I think we need to get to grips, here, with the frightful state of your flat. No will not be taken for an answer. Not for nothing did I do 48 years as a hospital cleaner." 

So off she went, mop, bucket, brushes and cloths, marching into Martin's dirty, stinking, flat. 

" Mind the hole in the bathroom floor ", declared Martin, thinking.... 

Edited by itsmeagain

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the old biddy's eyesight might not be up to snuff.

'Nothing wrong with me eyes, laddie. Now get to work!' and Edith brandished something looking suspiciously like an electric cattle prod under his nose. She plonked herself down in one of Martin's decrepit looking chairs, whose soundness she failed to first ascertain, with the unfortunate ...

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triggering an unexpected chain of disturbing events. Firstly, she leapt from the mushy seat, and 'accidentally' (well, that's the story she stuck to, anyway) zapped Martin on his more than ample behind with the cattle prod, causing him to ...

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trip up, he then fell headlong into a bowl of fermenting custard he had just been preparing to eat, which led to his face looking like Mount 🗻 Etna on a bad day. Yellow...... 

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slime temporarily blinded him and stumbling round, he suddenly felt air beneath his feet. Arms flailing he rapidly descended and next thing discovered, much to his suprise ...

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'How to get a dangerous and clearly insane tenant committed to a psychiatric hospital?' Once Martin had rubbed the custard from his eyes, he leaned over to see what they'd been reading. He gasped. 

'You don't mean ...

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the bloke who thought his wife was a hat? Oliver Sacks? He wrote a book on it you know. Now I..... " Martin was interrupted by the arrival of the police. 

" What's been going on here? ", asked PC 

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Wattie Whatnott, 'There's a pall of smoke hanging round the building, dirty water flowing out the front door and ... gawd, love a duck! There's a hulking great hole up there!  Who's responsible for this vandalism?' David, Solange, Sam and Edith all ...

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looked in the direction of 

, "and who are you sir... Shaggy from the original Scooby do I presume?,,", asked Wattie , trying sarcasm as a means of showing police "humour." 

"I am Martin Smith.. original it isn't, but I am truly unique." 

Edited by itsmeagain

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A one off, that's me. They broke the mold when I came along, I can tell you. Yes siree, I'm pretty special. In a class of my own, really, I could tell you stories ...'

'Shut it, Martin!  Book him officer, he's solely responsible for all this damage.' 

There was a sudden loud explosion as ...

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David's electric wiring responded to being saturated in water, fusing the entire block of nine  flats. 

"It's a good job it's only 4pm", said Martin, 

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the power company has a whole hour to fix it for you. It won't effect me. I'm going to stay with my mate Dave. But I'm sure it's nothing major.'  Martin started to saunter casually towards the door.

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A slim suited gentleman, in a tie plus a bowler hat, put his hand out. 

"I am Dr Repress Maheshtra, consultant psychiatrist, I am looking for a Mr Smith...?..." 

"Smith.. Yeah.. Heard the name... Millions in the phone book.. A trillion on Facebook.. Good luck with the search.. I have never needed a trick cyclist and I don't now", and at that, Martin...... 

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bolted out of the building before anyone could challenge that patently erroneous belief or stop him. Dave just happened to turn up in his old Fiat 500 at that very moment, Martin leapt in, yelling ...

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Dave cried, 'To the golf club, then!' He put his foot flat to the floor, there was a puff of black smoke, a graunch of gears and the little Fiat took off at a speed of about 10 kmh. If PC Wattie Whatnott hadn't been on a pushbike and he wasn't of a rather rotund build, ...

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he would have caught the car with no problem. 

As it transpired, Millie the cow was being taken to Grimshank and Co, coffee shop, to have milk taken for human usage.. Grimshank liked to boast of the freshness of the milk they purveyed, and the five teenagers ambling by her side as escorts, agreed. 

The sloth like Fiat.... 

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crept past the cow, giving her a wide berth.  All would have been well, Grimshaw and Co's loyal customers would have got their daily caffeine fix accompanied by the freshest milk in all Little Scratchy Bottom, if it hadn't been for the unpredictable Fiat suddenly back-firing, with a noise reminiscent of ...

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a Kalashnikov discharging, and causing the poor cow to leap ten feet into the air, landing on the back of the crumby little Fiat and causing Muriel... 

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Blewitt, toddling along with her trundler to Mincey Martin's Fine Purveyors of Meats and Smallgoods for a 'nice bit of brisket or a lamb chop' for her dinner, to have an attack of the vapours.  Meanwhile, the teenagers tried unsuccessfully to haul poor Millie off the car. Now that she had a chance to sit down, she seemed disinclined to ...

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