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poppy   

long held dream of his. Ever since he'd been all noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other, he'd imagined that one day ...

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poppy   

the Blarney Stone. Unfortunately, Martin was not sound on geographical landmarks, but he was not going to let that deter him. No, ever since he was a wee tacker and his long-suffering mother found him outside eating garden snails ...

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, Martin had experience of adventure. For example, the time ⌚ he went to the 🕌 mosque  and asked for"the. taste of  Saudi Arabia. "

The imam said 

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poppy   

for him to try playing in his sandpit at 40 degrees celsius, dressed in a snow suit. Martin couldn't find an air temperature thermometer so he decided to use ...

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a series of electric fires, which numbered four in total. Plugged in inside his anteroom, in July, the room was soon boiling hot, 32 degrees showing on the..... 

Edited by itsmeagain

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poppy   

fever forehead strip thermometer that mother always kept at the ready, just in case Martin looked the slightest bit flushed. It said he had mild hypothermia. Martin went off in search of more ...

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heaters, purchasing 4 more economy heaters for a tenner apiece at Bargain Kettles of Dulwich Hamlet. 

So hot did the room become that the Sheikh outfit he was wearing, was saturated in 😰 sweat. 

Martin decided that the Saudi experience could wait.... if that was Saudi life then by god he is glad to be English. 

These thoughts returned to him through the veil of slumber he was engaged in. 

He

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poppy   

dreamed of snow covered mountains, iced tea, icecream and waterfalls, only to wake up and discover he'd ...

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poppy   

range lesson. Yes, not only did Martin have an overdeveloped, and might I suggest misguided, penchant for extreme adventuring, he also possessed a passion for learning the intricacies of golf. This may have been in part due to his tutor, a certain ...

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Dave "Jackie" Jacklin, cousin of Tony, thrice removed. (from the local bar), @nd. a dab hand at holes in one, two, three..... 

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poppy   

and the19th. He skipped the ones in between, he felt there was no point overdoing these things. Since Martin usually managed to lose his ball in the rough or a water hazard within the first three holes ...

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, he decided to take the easy road to fame by standing over the hole, putting the ball in, and calling it a hole in one. 

In any event, the jarring ring of his phone as he ate fried..... 

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poppy   

Mars bars washed down with Diet Coke, reminded him that today was the day he'd agreed to ...

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play golf and then go round to listen to the record collection of his only friend, Dave, who you all heard of above. The Beatles, he thought, as he picked up the phone, to be surprised by.... 

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poppy   

a very high pitched, piercing voice whose harmonics used correctly could probably bring down a sizable bridge.

'Marty???' it screeched, 'Is that you??'

'Yer..ess? Possibly. Who's this?' answered Martin uncertainly, holding the receiver well away from his ear and hoping the ringing he was experiencing quickly subsided.

'It's me! Roxy! What are you doing?'

'Well, I was just about to ...
 

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poppy   

toupee and waxed me moustache and now I'm ready for a bit of male bonding with me mate Dave.

'Cor,' shrilled Roxy, 'I didn't realise you were ...

Edited by poppy

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one of them 'appy  boys or summing. 

Ain't you a man's man? An `appy boy doesn't befit a nice bloke like.... 

Edited by itsmeagain

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poppy   

you, our Marty!'

'Appie? What's appie when it's at home, then? I'm a bit self-conscious about my receding hair-line. Nothing wrong with that, is there?'

'Welllll .... wat I was wond'rin, our Marty, wouldya like to ...

Edited by poppy

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join me for some illicit fun? I mean a lady has her wishes and all, it's going to be a long winter.... "

" Who on earth are you exactly? I was expecting a call from my buddy  Dave and I get you, an inebriated lady I have never heard of, trying to get me into bed, well it's not my kettle of fish. I

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