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itsmeagain

Continue the story Game 2.

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The ship passed the Cape of Good Hope on the southern tip of Africa. Everyone remained oblivious, the crew drank rum copiously and flamboyantly, and Mark Nomark began to feel a bit

vindicated. He declared that it.....

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was the thin edge of the wedge when no-one would take a blind bit of notice of him. It would serve them all right when they were sold to slavers and had their noses forced to the grindstone from daylight till dusk ... and probably into overtime as well! They better not come complaining to him, he'd give them short shrift! And thus feeling very self-righteous he went off to ...

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do his laundry.

The opposite of our praiseworthy captain, Mark had every detergent and washing soap under the sun in his laundry armoury.

"I will signal a passing ship to let them know of our plight!! What is it again now? White flag on black lanyard? I will tell them we are being run aground by a bunch of drunken idiots", and he tipped 1ml of rose oil into the machine, carefully. ...

Edited by itsmeagain

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adding a cup of extra strength bleach to ensure his jockey y-fronts attained the necessary degree of whiteness to catch the attention of passing vessels when he used them as a distress flag. A rather timid, mousey looking creature joined him in the laundry room with a pile of washing. Peering myopically at the instructions she began ferreting round in her copious handbag for the right change to put into the machines. 'Can I be of any assistance...ummmm...I'm sorry I don't know your name? asked Mark.

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"Elspeth...Elspeth dear", replied Elspeth.

"Do please assist me I am marginally myopic this morning. I haven't had my cereal yet."

And at that, she plonked a basket full of rather provocative lingerie in front of Mark.

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He was much too polite to look, in fact, to be perfectly honest, he didn't even notice. He had something far more pressing on his mind. He absentmindedly handed her three one dollar coins. 'Can I confide in you, Elspeth Dear? You look a sensible young woman, have you noticed...

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the following salient points? Namely , a. The captain has told you Swiss coast. No such entity as Swiss coast. And b. We are off South Africa and not Europe. Do you want a cup of tea?"

"If you don't mind get my clothes washed. What on....

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earth are we going to do?'

Mark absentmindedly tipped Elspeth dear's undies into the machine, added a measured amount of Fast Acting Super Turbo Ultra Deep Clean Liquid Detergent and a capful of Rose Scented Cuddles Fabric Softener and set it going. Meanwhile, Elspeth dear was rifling round in her handbag again and finally unearthed her specs. She blushed when he came into focus, he was rather fetching in his blinding white shirt and tie, ironed within an inch of their lives and his hand-knitted fair isle vest.

The fact that she'd said 'we' hadn't gone unnoticed, 'Well what I thought, we could do, if you're in agreement is ...

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join forces and unite ..but sssssshhhh... (here Mark put a finger to his mouth and then tapped his nose right left and centre..)...

yes we will pretend, Elspeth dear, that all is well but we can gain influence amongst..."

"Yes..what's The name again?"

"I am Mark Nomark..."

Elspeth dear spluttered a laugh out.

"In Liverpool a Nomark is someone who has received no marks in school..what's more a no.."

"Elspeth dear you are the first person to realise that. Sad surname but I do my best."

Half an hour later they were sipping tea through straws in the Earth and Muckrake cafe on board ship.

A cheese.....

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souffle, slowly deflating, sat between them unnoticed as they shared their life stories.

Back on Ibeza, Annabelle and Harriet, in between a little light shopping and sunbathing,  had found a possible lead. Quite by chance, while refreshing themselves with a couple of Mojitos each in a seaside bar, they struck up a conversation with ...

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Ed Bedward, 54, a dealer in antiques , on holiday from Knutsford to Ibiza.

Ed had espied two English lads, one of whom was named Gabriel and was normally inebriated.

The other was named Algie and it put Ed in mind of sea vegetation.

It was while sipping lager that Algie described a sadness at the job packing babies' nappies being lost as he disappeared without saying a thing. It was not easy

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leaving home and hearth and all things familiar.  But he and his old crony Gab, had decided that time was of the essense, they needed to bite the bullet, grab the bull by his horns, throw caution to the wind and venture out into pastures new, or in this case the briny deep. Ed had remembered him particularly because of his bewilderment of metaphors. They'd met a Captain Long John's and intended to sail off into the sunset with him. Annabelle's eyes lit up like ...

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sapphires. Or was it rubies? Gold ? Or a sparkling , lit up, lamp?

"A Captain? Of what?"

"The..good ship Ice lolly ..I think", declared Ed, trying to recall the true name.

Minutes later Annabelle was ringing the head office of Ship Fancier UK magazine.

Trevor Defunct,65,croaked into the phone "I have seen a good Ship Lollipop but not ice lollly . And

Edited by itsmeagain

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if that's the one you're after, I strongly suggest you approach it with great caution. We have had unsubstantiated reports that the Captain Long John's is in fact a pirate and lures his passengers on a sea voyage, only to sell them to slavers in deepest darkest Africa. 

'Thank you for your help, Mr Defunct, but we are a reputable firm of detectives, you need have no concern.' However, when Harriet heard the news, she was very ...

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concerned.

An ex colleague of hers,Muriel Bankers-Draft, 54, had once been to Morocco and read a book on a murder case.Ever since, when Harriet recalled being told of the tragic story, she got a terrible feeling of fear that would not go away until she had an....

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appointment with her therapist. Since that wasn't an option at present, she consoled herself with a large bar of Raspberry Truffle Double Chocolate Chip Gooey Salted Caramel Cappuchino Fudge Chocolate, almost as good and guaranteed to deaden any kind of wayward thinking.

'Right,' said Annabelle, 'what we need to do now is ...

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find out whereabouts this here ship is. "

On board the Lollipop,however, our intrepid oafs Algie and Gabby, were looking for adventure."All the women are over forty", declared Algie,disappointed.

"Look a disco invite. Ladies find your body stomping, romance loving , self in our disco..tonight below decks. Signed the Cap'n."

Getting spruced up.....

Edited by itsmeagain

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and pouring on lashings of aftershave, guaranteed to temporarily incapacitate the olfactory systems of anyone coming within 10 metres, they sallied forth.  Saturday Night Fever played feebly over a couple of minute speakers. Disappointedly, most of the assembly looked like they either came from the disco era or pre-dated it. However, moving round the party-goers, engaged in deep and serious conversation, were Mark and Elspeth dear. 'I wonder what they're up to?' asked Algie.

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Meanwhile Annabelle decided that they needed to set sail towards "Africa", immediately.She booked two urgent flights to Nairobi.

"Since we dunno where the hell these two lads are we will have 2 weeks of partying in Mombasa and put feelers out in the ship owning fraternity. We will see if anyone wants to tell Annabelle about their lollipop."

And at that the two intrepid explorers laughed so....

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hard that Annabelle choked on the olive in her martini and if it hadn't been for the quick actions of a certain Boy Dangerfield who rushed in and performed the Heimlich manouvre, this tale could have taken a completely different turn.

'Thank you so much!' gasped Annabelle, 'wherever did you learn to do that?'

'Part of my training, my dear, very hush-hush, don't you know.'

'You're not looking for employment by any chance, we could do with ...

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someone as..ahem..skilled..as you. Shall we say...errr as deft and manly.."

"I am a trained bodyguard, my name is Damon Britton. At your service. Here's my card. My husband..."

Annabelle blanched. "Your husband.."

"...always says that I am deft and able....

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...so able in fact, he's gone off on a world tour for several months and left one to it. He's a dancer, don't you know. So one is free as a bird. Perhaps one could be of service to you two enchanting ladies?'

'One what?' whispered Harriet to Annabelle.

'Shhhhhh,' she hissed back. 'That would be absolutely ...

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Annabelle glanced at his card, ' ...a qualified exponent in the art of bartitsu. Impressive. Ummmm, what is bartitsu exactly?'

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"Bartitsu is the modern art of bartering. The acronym said at the end it's you. So even if you don't believe you can, you can actually barter..it's you!!"

And at that Damon did a jig of delight before our two intrepid dames

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