frankie Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Maybe I should start shopping for a hat and checking out flights to Finland? Seriously though, good luck, enjoy! Make sure you tell him that you will have an apartment all to yourself...for entertaining... He knows... Well I didn't say it was for entertainment, I've just told him about my situation. He is a tall man who goes to the gym, so I'm wondering if I ought to ask him to help me move my stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I'm really happy for you Frankie, it must a relief to find somewhere you love. Hope everything falls into place quickly for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesilbeach Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Fantastic news, frankie! Congratulations on getting your own apartment … here's to new beginnings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nollaig Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 That's awesome news Frankie, congrats! Living by myself is my long-term goal too, if I can ever afford it, so I understand the excitement and joy Good luck with the date too, will be looking forward to hearing all about it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna Begins Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 So happy for you! You'll love the freedom and peace... plus it will be all yours to decorate and furnish!! And of course, all your own books Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobblybear Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Great news, Frankie! It will be so nice for you to be able to relax in your own place. And good luck with the date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankie Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) Thanks everyone! This year has been a real rollercoaster. A bit too much happening! One can't say life's been boring this year... So happy for you! You'll love the freedom and peace... plus it will be all yours to decorate and furnish!! And of course, all your own books It's a furnished apartment, so there will be a lot of stuff that doesn't belong to me, but I'm not bothered. For one, I left all my furniture behind when I moved to Espoo, and so I need everything there is Also, I like the owner's taste. He has some really quirky items there He seemed like a really nice guy so I of course want to keep the place really nice and respect all his things. I'm not much of a decorator myself, really... Have never been. I just need my books and my diaries, and the lovely bits and things that I've received from my family and friends 50 minutes to date... Need to eat. I hope I don't vomit. When I'm nervous, I have trouble eating. Thank goodness the date is obliging and he suggested we meet at the shopping mall next to where I live! So I don't have to go, for example, to his part of town, which I'm not familiar with at all. He'd be a right jerk to suggest something like that, innit? Edited September 20, 2015 by frankie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brida Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Good luck with your date! And don't worry, the nervousness is transitory, as soon as the inital awkwardness goes away and you feel comfortable you'll be fine and eatin! just don't worry in advance... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nollaig Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Frankie, I find it so strange that in some countries unfurnished apartments are the norm! When renting in Ireland, it's extremely unusual for somewhere NOT to be furnished, and nobody really owns their own furniture (other than maybe the odd desk chair, set of shelves, lamps, small things) - until they get a place they actually own. I'd be screwed if I had to buy furniture for somewhere I was living. Good luck (again) with the date! Can't wait to hear how it goes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesilbeach Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 In the UK there are different laws for tenancy for unfurnished and furnished properties. When we moved into our first flat together, it was officially furnished … it had a single dining room chair! Between us we had an armchair, a bean bag and a mattress, so had to go and gradually buy furniture. Our first purchases … a wardrobe, a dining table and four chairs and an upright piano! Our bookshelves while we were there were salvaged bricks with planks of wood balanced on them and it was only when we moved into our own house that we actually got proper shelves on the wall. Hope the date went well, frankie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kylie Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 It's quite rare in Australia to find a furnished place to rent! So excited for you, Sari, and I hope the date went (is going?) well!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankie Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 I don't think we have a winner.... That was the quickest date I've been on! Felt like speed dating, but without the option of meeting multiple potential bachelors... We had coffee and talked, and he seemed nice and also funny, which is important to me. After 1,5 hours he said, rather abruptly, that he's ready to go, he's knackered (he's been on a holiday for the past two weeks and came back to Finland yesterday), and then we got up and left. When we were about to part ways, it all seemed rather awkward, and I said the usual 'it was nice to meet you', and then he said, 'one must ponder things, now...' and I took that to mean that he didn't enjoy the date or didn't find me suitable in some way or another, but he didn't feel like saying that to my face. And now it will be a case of him not contacting me again, or contacting me in a few days to say that he didn't think we had any chemistry. I had a good time, anyways. He was easy to talk to and he was funny, and it was really nice to talk about books! I don't know if I was exactly swooning over him right from the start, but that doesn't happen to me very often anyways, things usually 'escalate' with time, and I think he might've been one I could've come to really like. But I feel he didn't feel the same way. If he'd liked me, surely he would've asked for my phone number Oh well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kylie Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Aw. Well 1 1/2 hours is a pretty long date, I reckon! I don't think he would've stayed that long if he wasn't having a good time. I'm glad you had a good time, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankie Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 I'm sure he had a decent time because he did laugh and seemed to be enjoying himself, but it's just that I think I wasn't his cup of tea. But that's quite alright, one can't force these things. I'm just starting to think that this online dating thing isn't really for me, because I'm the sort of person one doesn't fall in love with at first sight, I'm the sort of person one has to get to know before they might actually start to warm up to me. I should meet men in completely different circumstances: at work or via hobbies. So I could cunningly grow on them, like a yeast infection But a yeast infection you are fond of and don't want to get rid of... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissy Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 I'm arriving late to the news. Congratulations on the flat - that is wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brida Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Haha ewww a nice yeast infection one is fond of? I don't think that exists tbh but I do support what you said about other ways of meeting people, online is easier and you're in your comfort zone but then you never know who you're really talking to and how honest they are...also it's much easier to idealize people since there's so much you don't know you might be tempted to just fill in the gaps with whatever you'd like to be true lol. Hence why sometimes you might not find what you're looking for. On the bright side, at least you had a date and it wasn't terrible congratz on the flat and graduation btw! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kylie Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 So I could cunningly grow on them, like a yeast infection But a yeast infection you are fond of and don't want to get rid of... I love that you're so positive. I think work/hobbies are great options for meeting someone. I don't really like online dating, but when you're a hermit like me, it's really the only option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankie Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) I'm arriving late to the news. Congratulations on the flat - that is wonderful. Thanks Chrissy! Haha ewww a nice yeast infection one is fond of? I don't think that exists tbh but I do support what you said about other ways of meeting people, online is easier and you're in your comfort zone but then you never know who you're really talking to and how honest they are...also it's much easier to idealize people since there's so much you don't know you might be tempted to just fill in the gaps with whatever you'd like to be true lol. Hence why sometimes you might not find what you're looking for. On the bright side, at least you had a date and it wasn't terrible congratz on the flat and graduation btw! The yeast infection analogy is one I came up with and i'm sticking to it You're 100% right about filling in the gaps in your own mind, when you aren't able to get the whole story as one would, were they on an actual date and so it would be easier to share the whole story. Writing is rather limiting. And you can't hear the person and see their initial reaction to the things you say etc etc. I try not to idealize the people I'm PMing with, but I think it just happens with everyone, subconsciously at least. That's why it's better to meet the other person very early on. I love that you're so positive. I think work/hobbies are great options for meeting someone. I don't really like online dating, but when you're a hermit like me, it's really the only option. I've been on enough dates via a dating website that I've learned not to take the dates too seriously. With the first two guys I met online, I was a bit too optimistic and then I got hurt because eventually I got the 'ax'. I'm keeping my guard up more these days. That's not to say I keep a massive facade and won't open up, but I'd rather prepare myself by thinking the guy's not going to contact me, than wish that he will, and then be disappointed. You also learn to read the signs when you've been on numerous dates. Yep, work and hobbies would be the best options, but unfortunately I'm unemployed at the moment and my hobbies are all solitary hobbies I don't meet new people that way. Which is why I've signed up with the dating website. Edited September 20, 2015 by frankie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nollaig Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 The date could have been so much worse, Frankie, and good for you for the (relatively!) positive attitude. I know precisely what you mean, I am the exact same, and even a friend of mine (male) said it to me a week or so ago when I was feeling a bit insecure about my weight before my date. He said I'm not fireworks, I'm a slow burner, but that I'm perfectly attractive once someone takes the time to get to know me. And I totally agree with that So I think you and I are kinda on the same page with our attitudes to ourselves... though I might not use the yeast infection analogy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Andrea~ Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Lol. Aw Frankie shame you don't think the date went your way but your attitude is great. I agree with not being too optimistic. That is exactly what happened to me last month with my first internet date and it wasn't nice. Hopefully I'm a bit more savvy now. Here's to more and better dates! I think internet dating does encourage an expectation for that 'instant click' which isn't always realistic and why I'm going to think very carefully before I write someone off now. It's a funny old game! Love the yeast infection analogy. Classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nollaig Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 I feel so savvy now! I was chatting to the guy I met for quite a while before we met, and while I liked his personality I knew awkwardness/nerves would impact how we were around each other initially. He's still growing on me (!), I'm deliberately making myself be as casual as possible and not getting too caught up in it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankie Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) The date could have been so much worse, Frankie, and good for you for the (relatively!) positive attitude. I know precisely what you mean, I am the exact same, and even a friend of mine (male) said it to me a week or so ago when I was feeling a bit insecure about my weight before my date. He said I'm not fireworks, I'm a slow burner, but that I'm perfectly attractive once someone takes the time to get to know me. And I totally agree with that So I think you and I are kinda on the same page with our attitudes to ourselves... though I might not use the yeast infection analogy! A slow burner... That's exactly what it is. The first guy I really fell for and who also fell for me (in real life, many moons ago), said some years after our 'thing' that he hadn't fallen for me instantly and that (this was brutally honest of him to say and I didn't mind because I felt exactly the same way about him) he wouldn't have gone for me based on my looks, but once he got to know me... he was hooked I'm not completely happy about being a slow burner, because at the moment I don't meet new people on a regular basis, but I know there are some major silver linings to it in other respects. I know how beautiful women get a lot of attention from guys and how they can get some really creepy advances. I can imagine how tiring that will get. Me, I've never had that problem, which I'm pretty happy about. Lol. Aw Frankie shame you don't think the date went your way but your attitude is great. I agree with not being too optimistic. That is exactly what happened to me last month with my first internet date and it wasn't nice. Hopefully I'm a bit more savvy now. Here's to more and better dates! I think internet dating does encourage an expectation for that 'instant click' which isn't always realistic and why I'm going to think very carefully before I write someone off now. It's a funny old game! Love the yeast infection analogy. Classic I remember when I was reading about your experience, I was thinking that that's what it was like for me, and I kind of wanted to tell you that it will get easier and that if you just go in with lesser expectations, you will find it a lot easier. But then I thought that it was too soon and maybe you didn't want to go on any further dates. And I didn't want to sound like I think I know everything and know how it's done and how it should be done. Because I don't know much about anything, really You'll be more savvy, I'm sure of it! And you've hit the nail: some people will expect there is an instant click. I think I've been expecting it myself, for a long time. However, I've been talking about this thing among other things with a certain very wise woman, and I've realized that the instant click just doesn't happen to everyone. And for that reason I've given a second chance to some guys, whom I thought I might start to click with in the long run. And this is why I'm kind of annoyed at the guy from yesterday, because I feel like he was looking for an instant click, and didn't get it, and then decided not to give me a second chance. He's new to the online dating scene, and I wanted to PM him to tell him that he's in for a rough ride if he expects an instant click. But then I thought, with some people you just know that there will never be any sort of clicking, ever, and I've met a few of those myself and have not wanted to go on a second date. So I must've been one of those girls for him And that's alright. (I got a PM from the guy yesterday and he said that I was an interesting person and he hasn't had the chance to talk about books on such a 'deep' level for a long time, but that he didn't feel the romantic spark. Which is fine. But what left me annoyed was how he ended it: "I don't know what you were thinking/feeling when we parted ways, but I hope you aren't incredibly disappointed!" [by him rejecting me] What nerve! The use of the word 'incredibly'. There was something in his profile which initially caught my attention, and it made me wonder if he's a bit arrogant, but I made allowances and thought that it's either his sense of humor, or him not having explained himself all that well in English. But now I'm starting to think that in the end, he was an arrogant barstard and I probably just dodged a bullet Edited September 21, 2015 by frankie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brida Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Yup, dodget a bullet for sure. Sometimes when a person doesn't feel whatever they're expecting ('a spark') towards you, even if you end up together and they end up liking you/loving you they'll never love you and respect you the right way and for the right reasons, and in my opinion it's better to not even get involved in that. But like i said, this is only true sometimes, don't want to generalize unfairly... Anyway, good luck to everyone with their dating life Edited September 21, 2015 by Brida Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nollaig Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 A slow burner... That's exactly what it is. The first guy I really fell for and who also fell for me (in real life, many moons ago), said some years after our 'thing' that he hadn't fallen for me instantly and that (this was brutally honest of him to say and I didn't mind because I felt exactly the same way about him) he wouldn't have gone for me based on my looks, but once he got to know me... he was hooked (I got a PM from the guy yesterday and he said that I was an interesting person and he hasn't had the chance to talk about books on such a 'deep' level for a long time, but that he didn't feel the romantic spark. Which is fine. But what left me annoyed was how he ended it: "I don't know what you were thinking/feeling when we parted ways, but I hope you aren't incredibly disappointed!" [by him rejecting me] Yep, I feel precisely that way at the moment about the guy I'm seeing and I'm trying not to be shallow (one of my more unfortunate attributes, even though I'm nothing to look at myself) - if the this guy was ridiculously hot I would be absolutely smitten. So I'm giving it a fair chance and seeing if a spark will develop. Also - L O L. Oh my god, how rude! I would have replied, 'not at all!'. That kind of happened to me with another guy I never met but chatted to online - he didn't talk to me for like a week, after some half-hearted convos, and then a week later when he messaged I was like, 'oh, hello. Wasn't really expecting to hear from you again'. And he said, 'I was too busy to chat.' I said, 'I don't really mind either way, I'm just surprised'. Never heard from him again hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankie Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Yup, dodget a bullet for sure. Sometimes when a person doesn't feel whatever they're expecting ('a spark') towards you, even if you end up together and they end up liking you/loving you they'll never love you and respect you the right way and for the right reasons, and in my opinion it's better to not even get involved in that. But like i said, this is only true sometimes, don't want to generalize unfairly... Anyway, good luck to everyone with their dating life It's a long and winding road... We Finns would say that it's an endless swamp. I.e., you can't get out Sigh... Yep, I feel precisely that way at the moment about the guy I'm seeing and I'm trying not to be shallow (one of my more unfortunate attributes, even though I'm nothing to look at myself) - if the this guy was ridiculously hot I would be absolutely smitten. So I'm giving it a fair chance and seeing if a spark will develop. I like it that you're giving him a chance Who knows what will happen - you might end up as really good friends, and one can never have too many good friends. Or you might start falling for him It's not the worst situation you're in! Also - L O L. Oh my god, how rude! I would have replied, 'not at all!'. That kind of happened to me with another guy I never met but chatted to online - he didn't talk to me for like a week, after some half-hearted convos, and then a week later when he messaged I was like, 'oh, hello. Wasn't really expecting to hear from you again'. And he said, 'I was too busy to chat.' I said, 'I don't really mind either way, I'm just surprised'. Never heard from him again hahaha I like how you handled that guy! These sort of people need to be put in their place! I was PMing with a guy this summer and he seemed keen to meet, but I wasn't all that eager... I had a few dates with other, more potential guys and this one didn't seem as potential. Anyhow, this one time I told him that okay, let's meet tomorrow, and we agreed to go for a coffee. The next day I waited to hear from him, but he didn't get online until very late in the evening and I asked what had happened. He said that he didn't know, he guessed he'd slept through most of the day ' '. I said okay... and deleted our PM thread and removed him from my friends. What a dick Re yesterday's date: I admit: because he seemed so arrogant in his message, I went and lied, sort of. I told him that no, I didn't feel any sparks either (which was true) and that I'm glad that we both agree on not wanting to take things further (which was the lie: I could've gone out with him again. But he doesn't need to know that!!). So that's that To get things back on topic, and point out the one good thing that came out of the date: we met at the library and I saw a copy of Herman Koch's latest novel in the 'bestseller' bookcase where the new books are placed, the ones that you can only borrow for two weeks and which you can't reserve. I'd reserved a copy of the book weeks ago, but now I could borrow the copy I came across by accident (I don't know if I'll manage to read it in time but at least I have the option.) Also, took a look at the book swap shelf and found a copy of the book that's been made into a costume drama series in the UK. Can't remember what the series is called... I think the book is titled Upstairs, Downstairs. Shouldn't really have grabbed it, because I shouldn't be acquiring any books at the moment... Edit: Did a little digging and found out that the book is actually a novelization. Who would've thunk, not me! Edited September 21, 2015 by frankie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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