poppy

are you talking about! You're not making any sense and your words are all garbled. Have you been drinking or something? Oh no! You haven't been ...' 'Here give me the phone,' I said. 'Now Major, let me speak to the Fuzz.' 'Who's fuzzy? Are you calling me fuzzy, you impertinent whippersnapper? I'll have you know ...' I hung up on him. 'Oh dear, we seem to have been cut off. Never mind ... he'll ring back.' 'But where is he?' wailed Rosie.

I Put a Spell On You ~ Nina Simone

'Come up and see me sometime.' This being a family forum, we'll draw a polite veil over what occurred between Cruella and Major F. But suffice it to say that the police did become involved, not at the request of the Major but rather in the form of a raid on an unlicensed premises. He was caught in a most compromising position and found himself once again sporting a pair of sturdy handcuffs. Being allowed to make one phone call, he rang ...

Little Red Rooster ~ José Feliciano

seriously substantial pair of bolt cutters, equipped to despatch the largest of locks. 'Gazooks, man, watch where you're waving that great big thing around!' 'Now don't yous fret, Padre, me'll 'ave you out o' tha int jiffy.' He tapped the side of his nose and with a loud chuckle added, 'Tha soul o' discretion, tha's me, you boys and yon bedroom games.' The Vicar bridled and retorted indignantly...

to the purgative effect

Sweet Little Sixteen ~ Chuck Berry

and eating the most

...very out of shape he is. I gave up waiting for him to find the handcuff keys he'd dropped somewhere along the way. So I thought I'd find me boys, they're expert in the art of lock-picking, bless 'em. Now you just come with me and I'll introduce you to an old friend of mine, Maud Heliotrope, she runs a retreat for ...

Sweet Sixteen ~ Billy Idol

whose other talents include

Walking On a Dream ~ Empire of the Sun

do you all hound me so? Is a man to get no peace? Cats caterwauling, deranged dogs, Revolting rotters, pesky Parsons and bothersome boys in blue. Where does it all end, that's what I want to know.' The Major clutched at his hair, which didn't really have enough spare for that kind of treatment. 'Dear Major, you're merely suffering from the ill effects of stress and overwork. What you need is a complete rest, and I know just the place.' 'Do you really think,' asked the Major pathetically ...

your cucumber sandwiches, made

Long Time Gone ~ Crosby, Stills and Nash

tea, in less than ...

PC Disorderly approaching, breathing heavily and clutching his side. Of a rather rotund physique, with a marked cake surplus around his middle, he managed to gasp out, 'Hold *puff* up! Come to *puff* take your *puff* handcuffs *puff* off.' 'Praise be! My faith, though less than a mustard seed and moving no mountains, has nevertheless been rewarded. The Good Lord has seen fit to release me from my bondage, part the stormy waters of the Red Sea and will lead me to the Promised Land. Hallelujah!' Once Disorderly caught his breath, he explained that ...

Our House ~ Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Yummy 😋 🍓

see you round here again, I'll flatten you. Now @#%& off!' Parson Cross spluttered and stuttered in indignation at being so sorely misunderstood. Everything seemed to have gone wrong since he began associating with the cat cafe. Here he was nobly standing up for the esteemed Major Flowers and all he got for his pains was trouble with the constabulary and abuse from the working classes. He did his best to drag troubled youth out of the gutter and provide them with constructive endeavours but they showed him no respect either. He might just as well ...

Burning Down the House ~ Talking Heads

'm arresting you as well for interfering in a police investigation.' That made three of us in handcuffs. Just then a group of the parson's wayward youths, who'd been half-heartedly emptying litter trays and washing food dishes, burst in shouting, 'It's the rozzers! Get 'em!' and they let loose with sling shots and pea shooters. The two policemen retreated hastily and ...

My Old Man's a Dustman ~ Lonnie Donegan

me what this disgusting old man did. Well I'll tell you, even though it causes me great embarrassment. He pinched my ... my... bottom. There's no other way of putting it.' She blushed bright pink. 'Well, in actual fact,' explained the Parson, 'you could have said your posterior, or your derriere, your hind cheeks or even your ...' 'Shut up! you blithering idiot!' I shouted. 'Can't you see you've arrested the wrong man?' 'Would you like to lay a complaint, Madam?' asked PC Mywords, totally ignoring me. 'I most certainly do! He kicked my Honey Puff too!' 'He kicked your WHERE???'

the constable. 'Vest! Vest! I'll have you know this is a genuine tweed weskit! Vest, the very idea! Where do cops get educated these days? It's a public disgrace and I intend ...' 'We have received an anonymous call from this address,' interrupted PC Mywords, 'concerning an out of control male showing signs of mental derangement. Come quietly with us now, sir, for your own good. We will get you the help you so obviously require.' 'It wasn't me, you absolute tosser! It was ...' But before I could say anything else, Disorderly had grabbed me painfully by the arm, spun me round, handcuffed me and ...